Usually by now I would have a game plan for the year. All the things I want to accomplish in the coming year, how much weight I want to lose. Blah blah blah. I don’t have a single resolution for this year other than to make each day count.
I remember back in October, or maybe even early November. It was a Friday night. Tony and I had already had dinner, I cleaned the kitchen per usual, and I thought maybe we could rent a movie. But I walked into the living room and he was sound asleep. It was 7:15 p.m. on a Friday night! I remember being pissed thinking “how did my life get like this?” Same thing over and over – eat, clean up, watch t.v. every single night. So I jumped on Facebook while he was sleeping and saw all these fun things other people were doing and I am not going to lie, I felt sorry for myself. Sorry that I wasn’t living that life, that my husband wasn’t UP to living that kind of life. He woke up around 9 – by then I’d had a few glasses of wine, and I was just so pissy with him. I remember him saying “what did I do?” and I said “nothing – that’s the problem!”
I was an asshole. I’d give anything to stay home on a Friday night and watch t.v. – even football – with Tony. That’s my one regret because he would always apologize for not being up to do anything other than staying home, and I almost always said “no problem babe – as long as I am with you, I am happy.” Bottom line is I miss him. I am so happy I started this blog 6 1/2 years ago, because I have it to look back on to remember all the fun stuff we did. My favorite always was hanging outside with him, with meat on the grill, listening to music, drinking wine and him smoking a cigar. I’ll miss that most of all.
I went back to his very first guest post on the blog – in April of 2009 when I got to 40,000 page views, which I thought was so much! Now as I am reaching 2 million page views, I wish he was here to write another post for me. Or hug me. Or kiss me.
Thankfully with a 3 year old sleeping over last night, I didn’t have much time to get weepy. He’s really a cute kid. I didn’t take any pictures, mainly because it was already dark outside by the time he got here, but we ended up watching the movie UP. I love that movie. Especially the part at the end when he feels bad that he never got to take his wife on any adventures, and he flips through the back of the book and there were photos of all the simple things they did together – like celebrating birthdays, taking picnics, etc. THAT made me cry though. At the end his wife wrote “thanks for the adventure – now go have a new one!” I have no idea what adventures I’ll have in the future, but I know Tony will still be with me. He was my biggest fan!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsG2S_1PRnk
Usually on past New Years Eve I’ve gone all out with the food – either lots of appetizers, fondue, brined cornish hens. This year I went simple and healthy. I made what I am calling a posole, but I am not too sure that it is that authentic. This made a lot too, so I’ll have lots of leftovers for my lunch.
Ingredients:
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 2 large carrots
- 4 stalks celery
- 4 cloves garlic
- 32 ounce can tomato puree
- 4 cups chicken broth
- 1 teaspoon ancho chile powder
- 1 tablespoon ground red Mexican chili powder
- 1 15 oz. can drained black beans
- 1 15 oz. can drained yellow corn
- 1 32 oz. can drained hominy
- 1 cup cooked rice
- 2 large chicken breasts (about a pound)
In a food processor, put the carrots, celery, garlic and tomato puree and blend until all the veggies are chopped up fine. Heat olive oil in pan and add the veggie/tomato puree. Cook for about 5 minutes. Add in the chicken broth and then place the raw chicken breasts (I cut each one in half) into the tomato/broth mixture and simmer over medium low heat for about 20 minutes. Put the lid on the pot – it basically poaches the chicken. Remove the chicken and shred with two forks and put back into the broth. Add in the seasonings, the black beans, rice, corn and hominy and cook for 15 minutes with the lid off on low heat. Garnish with cilantro, sour cream, cheese, etc.
I asked Hannah to grab me the cilantro, and after I looked at the pictures, realized it’s actually Italian flat leaf parsley – you get the idea though! This was the perfect level of spiciness – both Hannah and Jacob gave it two big thumbs up. #winning I shop at an ethnic grocery store, and have half of one aisle that has all the Mexican spices and seasonings – this is what the Mexican red chili powder looks like:
Right now the kids are off thrifting with friends. I am still in my p.j.’s but am going to be hitting up the gym in a little bit. I am bringing my buffalo chicken chili to work tomorrow so I have to pick up some stuff at the store for that. Kind of a low key way to start the year, but I am okay with that.
I hope you had a fun and safe New Years – here’s to 2015! Hugs and Love!
I think it’s the best resolution we all could have: make every day count! I’m with you on that.
Biz, I know it’s hard to think back to those times when you wished for a minute that things were different but we all do it and I appreciate the reminder that even though sometimes I want a change overall I love my life and the people in it.
Glad that y’all had something completely different to do for NYE this year!!!
Was hoping you’d post your recipe. It looked so good on instagram.
Hope you are doing ok. I’m sure all of these holidays are really hard for you right now. BIG HUG
I can relate to this post. Mr. B falls asleep on the couch quite regularly and I get so annoyed sometimes. You just made me take a second and think about all the times he isn’t sleeping on the couch and how perfect those things are. <3
Here's to enjoying the little moments in 2015!
Lots of love Biz – I could see how it would be easy to get frustrated by that but please don’t beat yourself up over it. It was apparently clear how much you LOVED and supported Tony, inspiring to read about.
I’m routing for one hell of a 2015 for you!!!
You are so sweet Kym – hugs and love! 😀
No regrets… that is the motto for 2015. Take each day as it comes and live it to the best of your ability at the moment. Hoping the new year brings you fun, health, happiness and many new cooking adventures. I have a feeling this will be the year of travel for you:)
Happy New Year dear Biz!
It’s only normal to sit and regret but I will tell you this – it is completely normal for you to be annoyed that your husband didn’t want to do something or fell asleep early. DO NOT beat yourself up for that! You guys had great times, but marriage is hard and sometimes it certainly doesn’t live up to our expectations. Believe me, Tony understands, even now, and loves you still.
Thanks for your kind words Helen – and you are right – thank you!
Happy New Year, Beth. We spent it watching “Frozen” with the girls, so we were about as rockin’ as you were 🙂
Ha – love it! You know, I still haven’t seen that movie yet – I need to!
You’re going to be ok; Tony is watching over you and you know he wants you to get out there and look for new adventures. Much love and hugs to you. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year too Suzi! 😀
Not a lot of new resolutions here….don’t think I followed through on last years. Shall have to check and see via my blog. One thing I want to accomplish is to lose 15-20 lbs this year. We will see how that goes.
There is nothing you can do or change about the past and it’s memories. The present, is just that, a present…..and the future is not ours to have until we get there. So enjoy the present, open it with eagerness and enjoy the ride!!! You may not be riding with Tony….but God, will bring new people in your life to ride with, keep your eyes open to the new blessings coming to you in 2015…..don’t want to miss them cause you were looking back to 2014. (but for now it is okay…but don’t beat yourself up cause you didn’t do something right….we are still human)
Have a good day….remind me to take my own medicine when it comes time for me to do the same…. 🙂
Thanks Louise – hugs to you and JP and Happy New Year!
You know, I think everyone who has lost a loved one looks back with regret at what they said or did – and that’s normal. But don’t beat yourself up over it – for crying out loud, you are only human, and were living with a stressful situation for a long, long time. Everyone snaps once in a while. Forgive yourself and move on – Tony knew you loved him very much; no need to beat yourself up over anything.
Thanks for the pep talk Shelley!
I couldn’t agree more on this with Shelley.
Hi Biz, I have been reading your blog for 4 years and you have inspired me to start a blog of my own this New Year. Sorry to hear about your loss, here’s hoping 2015 is your year.
Thanks Sinead! Let me know when you have your blog link and I’ll add it to my blog roll. Happy New Year!
2015 is going to be incredible, you just wait and see! Many new adventures await you. I am so thankful that you pour your heart out on this blog. You inspire me all the time. Happy New Year!!!!
That’s a humbling comment Kimberly – I appreciate it! Happy New Year!
I love this post and the lesson you have taught us. I get restless too thinking that I am not doing enough and time is slipping by. Enjoy the moment you are in and the people you are with.
Thanks Donna – and Happy New Year!!