It’s been quite a surreal week.  I can’t even begin to describe it, so I am not going to try now.  Monday we thought a liver transplant was going to happen.  Tuesday we thought a liver and kidney transplant was going to happen.  Tuesday my step-son Joe surprised us with a visit – he made the plane reservations a couple weeks ago and had no idea that his Dad would be in such grave condition the week that he got here.  Wednesday we discovered that maybe it was a heart transplant that would happen.  Such a roller coaster!

By Thursday, we realized that his heart was just too weak to attempt any kind of surgery, and based on that, he no longer met the criteria for any medical intervention.  On Friday hospice was decided and literally within a few hours, they had everything arranged. 

I am so grateful to Hannah and her boyfriend Jacob.  As soon as I knew Tony was coming home, I called Hannah and asked where she was.  She said home and I said “I needed operation cleaning pants Hannah” to go into immediate effect!   Of course, I didn’t even need to mention what I needed to get done, because she’s been cleaning better than I ever have since the age of four.   It has been such a whirlwind three weeks, I had dishes in the sink, mail all over the place, etc.   I followed the ambulance home since my car was at the hospital and they beat me here by about five minutes.  I have to make a call to the ambulance service though – while they were figuring out which way to bring Tony into the house, they had Tony in a chair, with barely a sheet on, bare feet exposed sitting in our driveway.  WTF?!   It was 20 fucking degrees outside!

But a few minutes later, he was in the hospital bed – we put him in Hannah’s old room because the only furniture in there was a desk and a dresser, and I wanted to make sure there was a door so he could get some privacy if needed.  He has an oxygen machine, although he said he didn’t want to use it, but to leave it on because he liked the sound of it, it’s kind of like white noise.   I was kind of sad though because when I told Tony we were taking him home, I think he thought that he would be coming back to his lay-z-boy chair, because I saw him and look and point to it as they wheeled him to the bedroom. Sad smile

My brother Charlie and his family drove up from Austin.  Tony’s sister Jody has been here.  Tony’s nephew, and his wife Izzy and their 9 month old baby drove up from Tennessee.  On Saturday, when Tony was somewhat alert, opened his eyes when he met the baby and mouthed “so cute.”  Broke my heart.  My sister Jennifer stopped by yesterday.   And my Mom – what a trooper.  She postponed a trip she had planned for months to Hong Kong.  She may meet up with her friends later, or may cancel all together – it just depends on what happens when.

My parents in law have been driving up since Saturday – they Thanksgiving traffic has been horrific, but hopefully they will be here this afternoon.  My MIL has been ill and couldn’t fly, but got permission from her doctor to drive.  I know they are both on pins and needles trying to get up here as fast as they can.

I am overwhelmed with all the blog/facebook/instagram love – I’ve read every comment even though it’s too hard to reply right now.  Sometimes the comments make me smile, others make me cry, but in the end it’s all good – I feel the love.  WE feel the love.  Not sure when I’ll be back, but I wanted to post something here in case some of the readers aren’t on social media.

Until we talk again – hugs!  I will miss him so much.

Tony cigar 2