I can’t stop eating. It started on Saturday when I picked my way through the day eating all the goodies at The Chopping Block. Then after dinner on Saturday night I ate half a bag of Dorito’s the kids had in the pantry. Then I had a couple glasses of wine. I stopped at Trader Joe’s on my way home from work on Saturday and somehow a container of their crack tiny chocolate chip cookies landed in my basket.
Over the course of the next two days I pretty much ate the whole container. I threw the container out (still with cookies in it) before even attempting to scan it to see how much damage I had done. Gah.
So last night I slowed my roll, and really started to get to the root of my mini binge.
I was so happy to work again at The Chopping Block – you guys all know that it’s my happy place. When I was talking to my buddy Nick he said “are you happy?” It’s a tricky question. Yes and no. I had finally wrapped my brain about having the house to myself after the kadults were moving out and not having 15 half empty Starbuck’s cups around my house, the perpetual mound of laundry in my basement, and just getting the house back to normal and actually having a dining room where I could eat dinner.
Mind you I am happy with their decision to wait, instead of using all their savings for the closing costs. I just wonder how long it will be before I don’t stare at boxes both at home and at work anymore!
And I thought about it, and the last time I hit 20 pounds lost (a month ago) I kind of did the same thing. Like self sabatoging myself. Like I feel I don’t deserve to lose more weight? I don’t know, but I know it has to stop, and it will. I am half way to my goal weight – only 20 pounds away. So there most likely will be a gain on the scale this week, but thankfully I am mindful of what I am doing after a few days, instead of days/weeks/months before getting back on track.
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While I love my granola in my parfaits, I have to say I am loving the Premier Protein chocolate peanut butter bar chopped up on top – it seriously tastes like Snickers. I used Chobani (2), my one point fruit sauce, mixed berry (1) and half a protein bar (4).
It’s still chilly in Chicago. I woke up to 37 degree weather, so it’s still winter jacket weather. By the time I left to meet my sister for our walk, it was up to 49, but windy, so it still felt like in the 30s. We walked pretty much the whole lunch hour, nearly all the way to Navy Pier.
Loved that the sun was out though!
I had some fruit when I got back from my walk, and when my boss left for a meeting at 2:30, put my lunch together – the leftover bahn mi bowl. Guys, seriously could eat this once a week it’s that good. I love the combination of flavors, the spicy pork with the pickled veggies.
I didn’t do a full meal plan this week, so it’s going to be like I am on an episode of Chopped this week. I have plenty of food to use. I peeked in my pantry and saw this instant polenta, and then suddenly the dish came to my head: leftover grilled pork over spinach polenta with a mushroom/mustard/maple pan sauce.
If you are new to polenta, instant polenta is a great way to start. Literally ready in just a couple minutes. However, that package gave directions for making the whole package – 2 liters of water to that package, which was way too much to make. A quick google search and I used 5 cups water to 1 cup instant polenta. Some people don’t put their polenta in until the water is boiling. But I think you get clumpy polenta that way, so I start by pouring in the polenta in the cold water, whisking it, then cooking over medium heat, stirring every so often, until it’s nice and thick.
I took 1/2 cup of polenta and mixed it with fresh chopped spinach on the side, and topped it with 1/2 an ounce of cheddar cheese – my side dish was 6 smart points.
Since the pork was already cooked, I only needed reheat it quickly in my cast iron skillet. In a small skillet, I sauteed mushrooms in 1/2 teaspoon of ghee (1) removed the mushrooms when they were cooked, then mixed the following together:
- 1/2 cup chicken broth
- 1/2 teaspoon corn starch
- 1 tablespoon stone ground mustard
- 1 teaspoon maple syrup
- 1 tablespoon plain Chobani
- salt and pepper
- 1 teaspoon dried parsley
Mix the above ingredients and pour into the hot pan the mushrooms were in. It will take just a couple minutes to thicken up to pour over your pork. The sauce is 1 point, the pork was 4 points, and with the ghee (1) the mushrooms cooked in, the protein portion of the plate also was 6 smart points. 12 delicious points for this whole plate – it was hearty, delicious and comfort food for my soul.
I do find it ironic that I ate WW friendly meals and kept track of my points even while the baby chocolate chip cookies were finding their way into my mouth. But I also have to remember that back in the day when I didn’t care what I ate, a typical day would be this: Breakfast: Burger King Croissant breakfast with hashbrowns (33 points) – mid morning snack: Diet Dr. Pepper and a Suzy-Q (7) Lunch: Sbarro pepperoni pizza with a side of garlic bread with marinara (26). Dinner: two cups pasta with Italian sausage and more garlic bread (homemade of course – duh!) (30). And then after Hannah went to bed, probably ate two cups of Ben & Jerry’s phish food ice cream, which under today’s smart points, would be a whopping 53 points! That typical day for me would be 149 smart points, or roughtly the equivalent of nearly five days of food.
So looking at this big picture, I know I am not going to revert back to eating like that anymore, just wish I didn’t feel like food is going to be the answer to whatever is bothering me.
Curious what your thoughts are on this – do you run to food too?
I have a picky plate for breakfast this morning, and then having lunch out with a co-worker today. We used to talk to each other every day, but since our move we are on opposite sides of the office. It’s a diner type place, so I know I’ll be able to get soup or something healthy. I am thinking the 1/2 turkey sandwich and tomato soup. Yum!
Alright, the train is almost in the station, so hitting publish and going to try not to spill my coffee for the third time this train ride. š
Make it a great day!
Catching up….and quite simply Vat, you are an INSPIRATION on so many levels!!!! Keep being you!!! Sending love and hugs.
I get how you are feeling about the kadults. I think I posted in an earlier comment that my kadults (daughter, son-in-law and grandson) bought a house and are in the process of moving out. I lovelovelove having them here but was so looking forward to having my house back to myself — things like finding the clean kitchen I went to bed with still clean in the morning, ya know what I’m talking about. They are doing work on the new place and will probably move out at the end of this month. Well, my baby sister called me yesterday, and I knew this was a possibility, she and my 18 year old nephew are probably moving in mid-June. Granted, I have the room but all my thoughts about getting my house back to how I want it, went right out the window. And this will be completely different as we have not lived together since I moved out of my parents’ house YEARS ago. Thankfully, it will probably only be for a few months….
Another thing I wanted to comment on was the polenta — one of my favorite foods ever (first husband was first generation Italian) — and I always make it by stirring the polenta into cold water. No lumps.
Oh, one more thing – I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life (I will be 60 in July). I started an online coaching program a few years ago and it has changed my entire mindset about food. Granted, I still eat the entire container of cookies or bag of candy when the mood strikes. You mentioned a book a few months ago and while it’s not the coaching program I used, it does have some similarities in that it’s habit based. I love it so much that I am actually taking an 18 week course to get certified!! Kind of scary because there is a lot of science…
Anyway, your post really spoke to me today. Keep up the good work!!
Mary
I am with you, lifelong struggles with weight loss and regain, what is the book you are using now please?
Biz, sure you will get right back on track, owning up to the problem is a huge step forward, we all have ups and downs but catching it early is key I think. Life changes are stressful, you are doing great
I definitely reach for too much food when life gets stressful (after promising myself not to do so time and time again). But over the years I’ve learned to not beat myself up over it (too much; I’m still not as kind to myself as I should be).
You hit the rest button and that’s what matters! I know you’ll reach your goal! And just look at how far you’ve come! You really should be proud of yourself!
I tend to have a good week and think, oh, I got this, and then go way off the deep end. I think what triggered you was being at the Chopping block and loving it and then being sad that is wasn’t your job anymore. I know when I get stressed or sad I immediately want sugar.
Food is my go to for everything, happy, sad doesn’t matter. I’m trying to be better. I just joined WW and am following the plan. I love reading how your doing and seeing some of the things you make. You give great ideas. Hang in there, I’m rooting for you. Hugs,
Thanks Sandi – so happy you are giving WW a try! It definitely has helped me – obviously I’ve lost 20 pounds this year, so even if I “think” I am doing awful, it is not even close to how I used to eat. Baby steps – we’ve got this! Hugs back š
I have a big problem with grocery stores that offer free sample events! (Like maybe the Chopping Block does). I will nibble nibble nibble every thing offered me, esp stuff that I would not normally buy for myself, and act like it doesn’t have calories.
Another problem I have is when I get home really late from work, I’m tired to make anything healthy and frankly feel like I “deserve” something yummy (read: unhealthy) for working so hard.
I also think that when you lose a certain amount of weight, your brain senses that you are off your current”set point” for weight and starts generating hunger signals. I think it takes a while for your brain (hypothalamus) to reset to a new weight as the “normal.” Hormonal fluctuations can also drive hunger for women.
I also definitely agree with the many comments above about stress and emotions driving eating for comfort.
I do the same thing – rewarding myself with food – why?! I know that isn’t going to get me to my goal. I think almost every Weight Watcher or person who struggles with weight use food when stress and emotions are involved. š Thank you for your comment!
Stress is a trigger for me, like most. It’s different from alcoholism in that alcoholics can avoid bars, not buy alcohol, etc. but food addicts cannot not eat. (Not diminishing anything from how incredibly challenging alcoholism is – just saying it’s different – I know several alcoholics in recovery and they are some of my heroes.) I got into a loop of eating when I was writing under a severe time crunch for my job. It happened for this one EXTREMELY stressful assignment that took several months – I thought I couldn’t write or focus on an empty stomach, and that I would “reward” myself with food because I was working so much. Sometimes for completing certain tasks, other times because I was just working so much I deserved it. That got to be a habit and I put on 20 pounds. I have a *very* small frame so it looks like a lot more than it would on a different girl. Anyway, I haven’t conquered it, but what helps me is to (A) realize when it’s happening (mindfulness – just being aware of what is happening is so huge) and then make myself something healthy that I can snack on for a long time, like a big plate of veggies with a healthy dip; and (B) telling myself, “you are not a dog, you don’t need to reward yourself with food.” Sounds harsh, but I heard it in WW one time and it made perfect sense! Why am I rewarding myself with a muffin that is not good for me and won’t make me feel good? Can’t I reward myself with a mani-pedi or something like that? Another HUGE thing that has helped me is completely changing my relationship with food – I used to be a compulsive eater – like if there was a jar of peanut butter in the house, I would sneak spoons of it until it was gone (and I lived alone – who was I hiding it from?). I had a lot of shame and guilt tied up into food. I also ate a lot of “diet” food – PB2, diet soda, lean cuisine, etc. I can’t stand that shit anymore. Nowadays, I like to eat real food – thankfully I love salad and veggies and cooking for myself. I can have a jar of real peanut butter in the house and I think I’ve only had it a handful of times (always on toast or something – no more random spoons!). I am a huge foodie and love food – but I have changed my relationship with food from one of guilt and shame to one of love. There is no “good food” or “bad food.” If I want some ice cream, then I will have some dang ice cream. However, I only eat because I consciously want to, not out of a compulsion (just eating to eat), and I eat openly and don’t hide anything. I listen to my body, eat what makes me feel good, be mindful, and do everything in moderation (including moderation lol). I also drink a lot less and try to work out a couple of times a week, but it’s food that makes the biggest difference – no way we can outrun our mouths. Hope that helps š
I so appreciate this comment! I agree, we need to remove the label of “good food” and “bad food.” I had the grasp of tracking my points in all of January and February, and for what it’s worth, it wasn’t that hard. Then my birthday month came along, adding in cocktails, and it’s hard to get back on the bandwagon. It always starts with food – I will never outwalk my fork!
THANK YOU!
The fact that you are tracking makes a huge difference! You were having BIG losses every week and lost that weight pretty fast, so maybe that has a bit to do with it too. Plus the weather here in Chicago is still so cold – so we’re straddling wanting to wear lighter clothes and still wearing winter jackets. You’ll get back to it – you just have to not put that pressure on yourself!
I have totally gotten into making chobani parfaits with berries, granola and honey. I used to never eat plain yogurt but I really love this combination! It’s super filling and satisfying for 5 points!
Thanks B – I think that is my saving grace that at least I know my meals are on track – I need to have the kadults put the junk food in a different spot – even if I have the craving, if I don’t have the stuff in front of me, it’s easy to walk away.
And what is up with our weather?!! So crazy – hopefully soon we can ditch our winter coats. And I love a great parfait – I can only do plain Greek yogurt now, the flavored ones are just too sweet.
Well said Jan, you are your harshest critic. I find too much comfort in food too. It is hard to stop when I get on a roll. Proud of you for acknowledging the issues and being aware of them. A lot of us are just happy keeping our head in the sand and our hand in the cookie jar. I think it makes it harder because you love to cook and enjoy food and all its flavors. You and Jenn should both be proud. You both are doing great and remember to take it one moment at a time.
Thanks Kym – I appreciate your friendship and constant support š We’ll meet and cook together one day!
Biz, you are a foodie! You enjoy food and all that goes with it. Nothing wrong with that and because you actually know how to cook, even better! Incorporate your mad skills into low point meals like that bowl. You are doing great, I think you judge yourself too much, like the yard etc and then go on a spiral. I do the same thing. For me, this week it was woe is me. I had a tooth extracted and all I wanted was mashed potatoes and ice cream! It has been difficult. All I can say is that you look so good and try to stay focused on how much better you feel when the food is in check. I support you!
jan
Thank you so much Jan – I appreciate you so much and love that you cheer me when I need it š Hugs!
I think it is awesome that you are able to reflect and consider what you are feeling and how it is influencing you. Also, those little TJ cookies are super addicting.
Thanks Emily – I probably ate 50 points of those damn crack cookies! š
Hey, at least you were willing to dig deeper into the reasons that you’re eating your feelings instead of just continuing to eat them. It’s hard to sit with feelings. š I know I avoid it. I don’t so much escape via food as much as I escape via wine. Both not the healthiest outlets.
Look at me being an over achiever, using both food and wine! š Thanks Dana!
Yep! Food always has a hold over me. Have you thought about therapy? It helped me a lot. I found I turn to food when my life gets out of control. I’m still not perfect but I’m able to take a step back sometimes and stop it before it starts. Just a suggestion.
That’s not a bad idea Amanda – I also have the feeling that I need to be strong for everyone around me, or not have people worry about me. Hugs!