Hello!  I’ve missed you.  I can’t believe it’s been well over two weeks since I’ve done a proper post.

Well, one reason was that my old laptop wasn’t working right.  I couldn’t log onto the internet, pictures wouldn’t post, etc.  I got a new laptop when I was with my brother and I am not sure why I was dragging my feet for so long – it’s so fast!  My old laptop was actually Jacob’s laptop and he got it in 2010.

Only one tiny problem, I can’t seem to find the lightening cord that connects my phone to the laptop to download my pictures.  Huh.  

I had a great week though at my brother’s house with his family.  Got to hang out with my sister-in-law, and my niece Rachel.  My other niece Sarah came with her husband the day after Thanksgiving – so good to see them!

And I got to spend the night at my stepson and his wife’s house.  So great catching up with them.

December 2 marked the five year anniversary of my husband’s death, and it was a good day.  I went out to dinner with Hannah and Jacob and Jacob’s Mom Val – their Mom/Grandma died on December 2 as well two years ago. 

Here is what is different about this year than any other year on this date.  I usually eat and drink like an asshole.  Monday night?  I drank iced tea and ate a reasonable dinner.  I tracked my points.  Didn’t eat a bag of gummies by myself in bed.

This year?  I forgave myself.  You may be asking for what – and I basically decided that this year to really FULLY move on and not dwell on the past, was to forgive myself for the medical decisions I made for my husband when he was sick.

I’ve been wearing an invisible guilt cape on for five years as I relive the decisions and things that went on five years ago, and this year I decided to take the cape off and throw it in the garbage. 

That doesn’t mean I am just forgetting my husband altogether – that will never happen.  But this year I was able to remember all the things that I love/miss about him.

  • he told me every.single.day that I was beautiful, no matter what I weighed
  • hanging out with him in the summer while I grilled and he smoked his cigar and we listened to Frank Sinatra
  • his Sunday morning breakfasts he used to make me
  • me asking stupid questions during football games while I made snacks 😀

All the good stuff rises to the top after a loss.  He was also verytimes opinionated and always thought he was right no matter your argument.  He could be stubborn and an asshole at times, but in the end we just went together like peas and carrots.

I’ll be back tomorrow with a 2 point macaroni and cheese recipe made with Alouette cheese – it’s amazing!

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday week and don’t get too stressed over the holiday season.  Remember it’s the people around the tree that matter more than the presents underneath.