I can’t believe it was four years ago today that we brought Tony home for hospice.  That whole time frame seems like such a whirlwind and a lifetime at the same time.  We went from being put on a transplant list to me standing next to Tony, coffee cup in hand, the day after Thanksgiving.  It was just he and I in the room, and since we were at a teaching hospital, they do rounds with medical students.  

A doctor came in with an entourage of eager medical students, and proceeded to talk about my husband “adult male, age 54, history of endocarditis, congestive heart failure, which led to liver and kidney failure. . .”  He went on for a couple minutes before saying “he’s going home for hospice because there is nothing else we can do for him.”  

What?  Since it was the day after Thankgiving, most of his regular doctors were not around, but when this doctor looked up and saw the look on his face, he said “no one came to talk to you?”  That would be no.

So on the last day of Tony being in the hospital, a nurse came in and asked if he could shave Tony.  I thought it was useless at that point, but what I didn’t understand at the time was that this nurse took the time on his breaks to shave patients who either couldn’t do it themselves, or needed help.  What an amazing act of kindness!

What I miss most is stuff like below – he didn’t use social media all that often, but when he did, I loved it.  I miss his inappropriate text messages too. šŸ˜€

This was our last picture together, about three weeks before he died.  It was a rare occasion that he was awake, because I was the sleep whisperer.  He felt comfortable when I was there with him, and he could finally relax and sleep.  

He barely moved at all when we brought him home.   I remember when the ambulance drivers brought him in, I think he wanted to be in his beloved lay z boy chair, but I had them put him in Hannah’s old bedroom.  Now Hannah and Jacobs’s room, so we could shut the door for privacy if we needed it.

He was awake enough the Saturday before he died to meet his new grand nephew.  Friends streamed in and out.  I cooked food, because that’s what I did.

He went through so much the last 7 years of his life.  Open heart surgery, a third knee replacement, colon cancer – trips back and forth to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  But I am confident I was put on this earth to take care of him at the end.

He made me laugh every day.  He also told me that I was beautiful every single day of my life, whether I was 135 pounds (how much I weighed the day I met him having lost 70 pounds on Weight Watchers) all the way up to 183 pounds and every pound in between.  He always told me that if I wanted to lose weight, it was because I wanted to, not because he wanted me to.

The last event we went to was Tony’s best friends sons wedding the summer before he died.  I love how happy he looks in this picture!

I miss my grilling buddy.  Sitting outside, listening to music.  Him with his grey goose rocks and cigar, me with my classy red wine with ice. 

And his silliness – he literally made me laugh so much.

New followers have probably never seen this picture before – I think it was taken in 2001?   Classic J.C. Penney photo right there ladies and gentlemen šŸ˜€

I hope I did good by you Tony!   Miss you!

Give your spouse, significant other, child, dog, etc. and extra hug today.  No one is guaranteed a tomorrow.  

My plan today is not eat like an asshole.  I did that yesterday and had 58 points for the day.  But today is a new day.  Life is for the living.

Make it a great day!