Like most of you I am sure, one of the first things you do is grab your phone can catch up on your social media. I have my routine – Chicago Tribune first (I get a “morning edition” sent to my phone), Instagram, Facebook and then TimeHop. Yesterday this photo popped up – it had been three years ago yesterday that I posted this saying “I can’t believe my husband has been gone six months already.”
Now he’s been gone 3 1/2 years and I can’t believe it’s been that long, but some days it feels like yesterday that his hospital bed was in Hannah and Jacob’s room when he last held his breath.
Have I told you that three people have died in my house? Tony (obviously) the previous owners wife, and a farmer.
A couple years ago two women knocked on our door when Hannah and Jacob were home saying that they used to come to their grandparents house (my house) in the summer to the river. In the early 70s it was only our house and a horse farm next door on our block. Their grandpa wore overalls all the time and while they called him a “farmer” I am not sure what he would have farmed in Cary, Illinois.
Jacob has had visions – waking up and seeing a large man with overalls standing at the foot of the bed, and that ghost quickly goes away. He didn’t even remember it until these women mentioned that their grandpa died in the house too.
Do you believe in ghosts?!
This picture always makes me laugh because it was for a work party – we wore those hats all night.
I didn’t even know it was National Widow’s Day today until I saw my friend on Facebook mention it – she’s a fellow Weight Watcher Ambassador (that’s how we “met”) and her husband died suddenly around Christmas 2016. Her biggest regret is that she never got a chance to say goodbye.
I think back to when we brought Tony home for hospice. I remember Tony calling his parents, and they immediately started the trek driving from Florida to Illinois. And once those wheels started turning, he never really gained consciousness, until Saturday morning when his nephew and his family came to visit him I remember he opened his eyes and I think he said “cutie” when he met his great-nephew who was just a baby at the time.
The night before he died it was just he and I in the house, and I slept on couch cushions next to his hospital bed in case he needed me. By then he hadn’t really moved at all in probably 48 hours. I do remember holding his hands before I went to bed that night, and told him how much I loved him, and that it was okay to let go and that I would be fine without him. That last part was a lie, but I wanted him to hear that. A tear dripped from his eye, so I know he heard me.
If I live to be 85, my time with Tony will only be 16% of my life. Such a small amount when you really think of it, but such an impact! Our marriage was no where near perfect, but I’ve said it before, once your spouse is gone, only the best stuff you remember about them floats to the top.
I get asked from time to time if I am ready to date again. And the answer is – no. I just turned 50 and I know I have a long life ahead of me, but only time will tell.
Make it a great day friends! And give your spouse, kids, dogs extra hugs today – every day is a gift!