I found a new to me show and I am hooked.  I am sure if Tony were here he’d say “that’s Biz t.v. – no way I am watching that show!”  It fascinates me because when I hear some of their stories, I connect with them.  Bottom line is they love food.  They love how it makes them feel.  And when the eating stops, and that happy feeling goes away, they want nothing more than to get that feeling back again.  But what makes me different is that I know I have to stop myself sometimes because I know, especially through these last months, that I easily could have eaten all the grief and stress I had.  But for these people there is no “shut off” valve.  They can eat from 10,000 to 15,000 calories A DAY and do it all over again, day after day.   In the end it doesn’t matter if you are 600 pounds or 175 like me, we all have a choice on how to live our lives.

But what is surprising to me is that so far of the half dozen shows I’ve watched this past week, none of these people are able to work.  Their spouses or children aren’t able to work because they have to take care of the person that is way beyond morbidly obese.  They are on disability and live off of that, and then they find a doctor who may be willing to help them with gastric bypass surgery, and some are hospitalized for months at a time, and I wonder, who pays for that if you are disabled?  The government? 

All I know is that by watching that show, it’s helped me get through Day 3 of my 21 day detox with a whole new perspective.  The doctor that treats them says that until they can control their addition to food, no surgery in the world is going to help them.  And it is all about choice.  We choose if we get up to workout.  We choose if we want to eat well.  I posted this on an old post of mine, and I have this hanging up on cabinet at work, and one at home near the fridge (um, not magnets stick to a stainless steel fridge – doh!).   It’s just a gentle reminder to me when I see it that I can choose my hard – and so far I am choosing to lose this weight.  I have no excuses.  I don’t have a long commute, I don’t have little kids, so I am putting myself first.  And it feels really good!

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I had to laugh because I posted this picture on Instagram and Jacob thought that those were chocolate donuts, and was disappointed that it was a pumpernickel roll!  Spinach, egg whites, ham and a bit of cheese and then put under the toaster oven.  I like my spring plate – makes it look like spring if it doesn’t feel like it outside.

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I had to run some errands at lunch yesterday for work, but I still managed to squeeze in a 2 mile walk.

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I was scoping out a restaurant near our office to see if it was suitable for our firm’s anniversary.  When I told my boss where I was going and I’d be gone longer she said “buy me Panera!”  Well, she buys, I fly, so I switched up my lunch a bit.  I did have grilled chicken, zucchini, half a baked potato and an apple, but when I looked up the calories I got a Caesar salad from Panera.  I ditched the croutons, got rid of half the Parmesan cheese, added my chopped chicken, zucchini and apple to the salad and used Annie’s light dressing.  It was so filling!  I couldn’t even finish it all.

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But here is the NSV (non-scale victory) of the day.  When the woman swiped my Panera card she said “oh, you are eligible for a free pastry!”  And without hesitation I said “I’ll take a toffee cookie please.”  They handed it to me directly and it went straight into my purse.  On the drive back to the office I literally reached into the bag to feel it.  I was thinking to myself “what if I only eat half.”  Or maybe eat 1/4 of it today and then eat 1/4 of it the rest of the week.  I got back to my desk and looked up and saw the “choose your hard” mantra, and I immediately gave it to my boss.  I asked him “do you want my free cookie?  you know I started the DietBet and I am choosing not to eat it” and he said “I’ll take one for the team” and gladly took it from me.  p.s. Courtney, Tyler loved it!  There may have been just a teeny tiny bit of butter in them!

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So Brooke the moderator of the DietBet I am doing (which the pot is now up to $15,575!!) gave us a 28 day calendar.  Each day has a small goal.  Today’s goal was to try a new workout or food.  So I decided to try the elliptical after work – while it’s not a new piece of equipment to me, it’s different from what I was doing, so I went with it.  I chose a leg workout for 45 minutes.

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Um no.  I’ve been having some problems with my left knee lately.  It hurts sometimes when I go upstairs, then it goes away.  It hurts if I stand up after sitting for a while, then once I get walking it goes away.  Sometimes if I move in the night it will wake me up.  The only thing that doesn’t seem to hurt is just regular walking.  I have an appointment next Tuesday to get it looked at, so I ended up going back to the treadmill and walked just shy of 3.99 miles – my machine cuts off at exactly 60 minutes, I wish I would have looked down to make it an even 4 miles!

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I was still home by 7:00.  The kids decided to fix nachos for themselves for dinner, but I knew I wanted to make lasagna soup, so I got in my comfy clothes and started cooking – it’s such an easy recipe and I’ve made it so many times that I could literally make it with my eyes closed.   This time I added 1/2 a cup of cheese tortellini to my bowl and just a pinch of mozzarella cheese.

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I didn’t eat until nearly 8:00, but I kinda like that.  I am full and satisfied from dinner and I am less likely to grab cheese to eat before going to bed.  So at the end of the day, check out how many steps I got on!

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And to tell you the truth, it wasn’t that hard to get that many steps.  Just 30 minute walk at lunch and an hour walking after work – all while watching FoodTV and HGTV! 

I have a huge shout out to my blog reader friend Kym who sent me the cutest stuffed pillow off of Etsy – it is so kind and thoughtful and it sits on my bed as I type this so I can be reminded of it every morning and night.  Thank you so much!  Sorry about the hair – I’d just gotten home from the gym Open-mouthed smile

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Make it a great day!