And I’ve already cried today. You see every year for my birthday Tony would leave me flowers on the kitchen counter to see before I went to work. I never knew or saw where he hid them either the night before. I would wake up, and there they would be.
So this is my year of “firsts.” And this is my first birthday without Tony. As I was going to bed last night I thought to myself “this is the first time I won’t wake up to flowers” and that made me cry. Not about the flowers, but just the gesture that no matter how he was feeling, he would have flowers for me.
So this morning I got up and what did I see? Flowers!
Hannah and Jacob had to be at work before me this morning, so they left me flowers and a card, and it made me cry right then and there. I cried for the thoughtful gesture, I cried because Tony wasn’t here to give them to me. I just . . . cried.
So I got myself together, and I couldn’t remember what I we did last year for my birthday, so I went back and looked. And fuck. I cried again. I had forgotten that Tony did a guest post for my birthday last year. This is the part that got me:
It has been what seems like forever. I can’t seem to remember a time when I wasn’t with her. I have had countless surgeries and for me, the most important thing I need is to see that face. Once I see that I know everything is going to be fine.
I love Biz more that my huge clumsy fingers could ever write. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
Today is her Birthday; please help me honor the best person I have ever known.
I love you Lizabeth May Alcott Difasio Digorno Velatini, I will love you till the end of time.
Who would have known that my 46th birthday would have been my last with him. We went out for pizza and I remember him not feeling too well and we were home by 7:30. I do know that I was feeling a bit sorry for myself because we got home so early, but I’d spend every birthday at home just to have him back.
Alright, I have to jump in the shower and stop and get my cappuccino from Hannah’s work on the way in. I will have a great birthday. The kids and I are going out to eat tonight, so that should be fun – at a place that has lots of good beer on tap! If you are lucky enough to have your spouse or significant other with you today – give them an extra hug from me today, okay?
Hope you had a nice birthday after all. ((Hugs))
The flowers are beautiful and so are Hannah and Jacob. All the ‘first’ you will have to overlay with new memories makes for a hard year. But it is sure a lot easier with support. Hugs—-
Happy Birthday ! Enjoy it, Tony is smiling down on you. And the kids are so thoughtful.
Well, if it’s any comfort I cry on all my birthdays. Birthdays and me just don’t seem to get along. Maybe it is because it is so close to Xmas. I don’t know. What I do know is that you’ve had lots of happy birthdays. Yes, they are memories. But memories are meant to be preserved. It just takes them a little while to find that happy place. So by now you are having a beer. Beer always helps me find my happy spot. And you are with your kids. And that always helps, too. In spite of everything, I know you are smiling-even if it is through tears. Happy Birthday, Beth!
I remember the post.
Happy birthday Beth. I wasn’t to good with the first but there’s nothing to do but live through them and remember the memories. You are awesome and amazing and truly a wonderful woman and you have raised the most caring daughter.
Enjoy your evening out.
And I will hug Jim extra hard tonight for us both and I also gave my daddy a hug and kiss tonight just so ….. well just so.
Blessings Biz.
Happy birthday dear Biz. I know it is bittersweet, but those memories are forever.
Happy Birthday!! My sister have birth to her first baby last night and she named her Hannah!! 🙂
I remember that post last year! So sorry – it really sucks that Tony isn’t here with you any more.
Love that Hannah and Jacob are so sweet and thoughtful.
Happy Birthday!! I know that it will be a hard day in a lot of ways but you are loved!!!
Happy Happy Birthday! What a beautiful gesture! I hope you have a wonderful meal out!!
Happy Birthday!!!
That was so sweet of Hannah and Jacob! I loved Tony’s post last year for your birthday. I remember reading it and getting teary eyed! And the clip I read just now… more teary-eyed! He loved you so much and know by that post how comforting it was to have you with him in the hospital and at home. That’s so amazing! Happy birthday!! Enjoy your day!
Have a wonderful day Beth!!! And thank you for the reminder to treat each day as a gift, we don’t do that nearly enough. My birthday is Monday, go March babies!
Sweet Hannah and Jacob! Happy Birthday, Biz!
Happy Birthday, Biz! Hope you enjoy your special day!
I want to wish you a Happy Birthday Biz. You have a wonderful daughter!!!!!
Happy Birthday Biz!!
Happy Birthday. ( I cried too). My heart still aches for you.
Happy Birthday Biz!
Happy Birthday Biz and to your sister too!!
🙂
Bless you Biz! But I am also happy that you have Hannah & Jacob with you to help you through the bad days. Hugs to you and to them!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIZ!!! 🙂