And I’ve already cried today.  You see every year for my birthday Tony would leave me flowers on the kitchen counter to see before I went to work.  I never knew or saw where he hid them either the night before.  I would wake up, and there they would be.

So this is my year of “firsts.”  And this is my first birthday without Tony.  As I was going to bed last night I thought to myself “this is the first time I won’t wake up to flowers” and that made me cry.  Not about the flowers, but just the gesture that no matter how he was feeling, he would have flowers for me.

So this morning I got up and what did I see?  Flowers!


Hannah and Jacob had to be at work before me this morning, so they left me flowers and a card, and it made me cry right then and there.  I cried for the thoughtful gesture,  I cried because Tony wasn’t here to give them to me.  I just . . . cried.

So I got myself together, and I couldn’t remember what I we did last year for my birthday, so I went back and looked.  And fuck.  I cried again.  I had forgotten that Tony did a guest post for my birthday last year.   This is the part that got me:

It has been what seems like forever. I can’t seem to remember a time when I wasn’t with her.  I have had countless surgeries and for me, the most important thing I need is to see that face. Once I see that I know everything is going to be fine.

I love Biz more that my huge clumsy fingers could ever write. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.

Today is her Birthday; please help me honor the best person I have ever known.

I love you Lizabeth May Alcott Difasio Digorno Velatini, I will love you till the end of time.

Who would have known that my 46th birthday would have been my last with him.  We went out for pizza and I remember him not feeling too well and we were home by 7:30.  I do know that I was feeling a bit sorry for myself because we got home so early, but I’d spend every birthday at home just to have him back.

Alright, I have to jump in the shower and stop and get my cappuccino from Hannah’s work on the way in.   I will have a great birthday.  The kids and I are going out to eat tonight, so that should be fun – at a place that has lots of good beer on tap!   If you are lucky enough to have your spouse or significant other with you today – give them an extra hug from me today, okay?