I remember going through the motions with my parents in law and my Mom while planning Tony’s memorial at the funeral home.  I heard the funeral director say to me “we contact social security directly, it’s a Federal law, but they will be in touch with you to discuss the $255 contribution to your husband’s funeral expenses.  Huh.  Maybe a week after Tony’s memorial I got a call from social security telling me that they would be setting up a phone call to verify information, and that the first available date would be on January 27 at 11:10 a.m.  Again, huh?

So yesterday at my desk, my cell phone rang and it was social security.  I had to provide Tony’s date of birth, birth date, parents names, my name, date of birth, where I was born, MY parents names, where Tony died – and at the end they had to tape record me saying that everything I discussed was true and correct.  And that was it.  “A surviving spouse may receive a special lump-sum death payment of $255.”  I’ve never really thought that $255 could be described as a “lump-sum” and $255 towards funeral expenses is just a drop in the bucket.  But it was hard to keep hearing the word “deceased” with every question:  “what is the deceased date of birth, etc.”  So, in about 30 days or so, I’ll be getting a direct deposit from social security.  Which will basically cover my hotel stay for my Spartan Race in Milwaukee!  You know I have to put a positive spin on all this shit going on in my life.

Hannah worked at the coffee shop so I stopped by on my way to work.  Instead of a parfait I decided to try one of their breakfast sammie’s, but not have it cooked and I would cook it at work on my panini maker.  It was called the “Eldorado.”  Egg, bacon, baby spinach on 9-grain bread with pepper jack cheese and this chipotle sauce that Hannah put on the side so the bread didn’t get soggy.  I ended up using just a schmear of the chipotle sauce, and I can’t believe it’s not butter to grill the panini.

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That’s a salad plate by the way, but AFTER I ate it, I put it into Calorie Count, and realized this sammie comes in at a whopping 522 calories.  I probably could have only cooked half yesterday and had the other half today with some fruit, but oh well!  It was delicious!

I had legs on tap for strength, then ended up walking 2.5 miles at lunch:

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Knowing I was going to do my hour of walking after work, I took half the amount of insulin that I needed for  . . . more lasagna soup!  I’ll probably have it again for lunch today, it’s just so damn good.

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So imagine my surprise when I go to test my blood sugar before leaving the office, I was so surprised that it was so low!

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My blood sugar normally drops 125 points – and if I worked out my blood sugar would have dropped to about 7, which obviously would be impossible because I’d start feeling like shit once it got below 65.  This is always a dilemma.   Do I eat more to work out, which will basically make my workout a wash?  In the end, I realized that I had already nearly reached 10,000 steps before leaving the office, and I cut my losses and came home.

The kids were home and Hannah and Jacob gave me this cute picture.  Do you know the song “A Bushel and A Peck?”  My Mom used to sing that to her grandkids when they were little.  So sweet!

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I had meal “ideas” for dinner, and it’s funny because Hannah doesn’t really like red meat all that much, and Jacob doesn’t like ground beef, but when I said I could make burger sliders and fries they both said yes!  Hannah said it was the best burger she’d ever had, and Jacob cleared his plate.  It’s been nice having people eat and like my food!   Looking back, Tony didn’t really eat much of my food the last year of his life.  Nothing tasted good to him, he’d have a yogurt and some fruit before I got home from work, and he’d have about 2 bites of whatever I made for dinner.  I cook my burgers on a cast iron skillet in the winter, at a super high heat so that they get a nice crust on both sides – beef, it’s what’s for dinner!

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But the show stopper of that burger?  THE MUSTARD!  Yep, the mustard on the bun is from my parents in law – they sent me a gift box from The Mustard Factory in Naples, Florida and this was the first mustard that I opened:

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Holy balls people, this is amazing!  Perfect amount of spice, without being too spicy, yet it still has that vinegary kick from the mustard.  Pretty sure that will be gone within a week!  Thank you Bonnie and Carl for sending it to me. Open-mouthed smile

So I have my plan for training for my Spartan race, and from what I have read, strength training is 70% of the course and 30% cardio.  So starting Monday I am going into a pretty intense 12 week workout strength training program used to train for Spartan races.  I am actually thrilled that I have a 16 week goal to achieve, if nothing more that it gives me something to focus on in the future, and will help me not want to eat deep dish pizzas all by myself every night.   It’s not too late to leave a comment on this post and try to win a free entry to a Spartan race near you!

Thank you for all your continued support, emails, texts, etc. to help me get through each day without Tony – I will be forever grateful for your love and hugs! 

Now go kick some ass today!