It’s been quite a surreal week. I can’t even begin to describe it, so I am not going to try now. Monday we thought a liver transplant was going to happen. Tuesday we thought a liver and kidney transplant was going to happen. Tuesday my step-son Joe surprised us with a visit – he made the plane reservations a couple weeks ago and had no idea that his Dad would be in such grave condition the week that he got here. Wednesday we discovered that maybe it was a heart transplant that would happen. Such a roller coaster!
By Thursday, we realized that his heart was just too weak to attempt any kind of surgery, and based on that, he no longer met the criteria for any medical intervention. On Friday hospice was decided and literally within a few hours, they had everything arranged.
I am so grateful to Hannah and her boyfriend Jacob. As soon as I knew Tony was coming home, I called Hannah and asked where she was. She said home and I said “I needed operation cleaning pants Hannah” to go into immediate effect! Of course, I didn’t even need to mention what I needed to get done, because she’s been cleaning better than I ever have since the age of four. It has been such a whirlwind three weeks, I had dishes in the sink, mail all over the place, etc. I followed the ambulance home since my car was at the hospital and they beat me here by about five minutes. I have to make a call to the ambulance service though – while they were figuring out which way to bring Tony into the house, they had Tony in a chair, with barely a sheet on, bare feet exposed sitting in our driveway. WTF?! It was 20 fucking degrees outside!
But a few minutes later, he was in the hospital bed – we put him in Hannah’s old room because the only furniture in there was a desk and a dresser, and I wanted to make sure there was a door so he could get some privacy if needed. He has an oxygen machine, although he said he didn’t want to use it, but to leave it on because he liked the sound of it, it’s kind of like white noise. I was kind of sad though because when I told Tony we were taking him home, I think he thought that he would be coming back to his lay-z-boy chair, because I saw him and look and point to it as they wheeled him to the bedroom.
My brother Charlie and his family drove up from Austin. Tony’s sister Jody has been here. Tony’s nephew, and his wife Izzy and their 9 month old baby drove up from Tennessee. On Saturday, when Tony was somewhat alert, opened his eyes when he met the baby and mouthed “so cute.” Broke my heart. My sister Jennifer stopped by yesterday. And my Mom – what a trooper. She postponed a trip she had planned for months to Hong Kong. She may meet up with her friends later, or may cancel all together – it just depends on what happens when.
My parents in law have been driving up since Saturday – they Thanksgiving traffic has been horrific, but hopefully they will be here this afternoon. My MIL has been ill and couldn’t fly, but got permission from her doctor to drive. I know they are both on pins and needles trying to get up here as fast as they can.
I am overwhelmed with all the blog/facebook/instagram love – I’ve read every comment even though it’s too hard to reply right now. Sometimes the comments make me smile, others make me cry, but in the end it’s all good – I feel the love. WE feel the love. Not sure when I’ll be back, but I wanted to post something here in case some of the readers aren’t on social media.
Until we talk again – hugs! I will miss him so much.
Hugs and prayers to you and your family!
Oh Biz, there are simply no words right now. I have tears in my eyes. I know what he means to you (and what you mean to him). I simply cannot believe this. I am so sorry and I know I have never met you in person (that needs to change), I feel as though I know you and Tony. I’m so very sorry. Email me personally if you ever need to and I could give you my cell number. Big hugs and prayers. My thoughts are with you and your family!
I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
You are all in my prayers.
Beth, your last line made me burst into tears. I can’t even imagine what you’re going thru and whats ahead of you. I am so sorry. (((((((hugs)))))).
Oh Biz. I am so sorry. Sending love and prayers from Denver.
Biz, I am so incredibly sorry to read this. I can’t find the right words (are there even right words?) but I want you to know that I have always admired the relationship and humor and genuine true love that you and Tony share. It radiates. It sounds so generic but please know that I am thinking of you – especially you – and your family during the time. xoxoxoxo
Wow, this has been a very tough month, and year. You’ve persevered thru it all and I am wishing you peace and strength thru the next chapter. I know that you will be able to stay strong with the immense support behind you. Love and smiles going out to you and Tony, Biz!
Know it took courage and strength to send this message to your many blog followers. Continuing love & prayers for both of you – grateful you are surrounded by family.
Dear Biz please know that both you and Tony are very much in our hearts
and thoughts at this very difficult time . We wish for you comfort , love
and peace .
Just so very very very sorry…many hugs from me and my family. We are sending you love and strength and support from afar. Damn it, I wish there was something else to say, to do, to change things…HUGS and love for y’all. 🙁
I’m a long time reader but rarely comment. I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through right now. You’re in my prayers.
Oh Biz, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers go out for you and Tony/Jeff. Hugs, oh I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now.
Beth, You and Tony are in my prayers.. Great job Hanna.
Huggs
Beth, I am so sorry to hear this. Tony is in my prayers., and so are you. Hugs
It is truly so hard to believe this is happening, that it has come to this after all he has survived. *tears* I just can’t even imagine the devastation and am so, so damn sorry Biz. I’m glad you have an outpouring of love from all around and I hope it envelops you and helps keep you sane. Praying for your heart, dear woman.
My dear Biz, I hardly don’t know what to say either. You have been in my thoughts so much these past couple of days. My heart breaks with yours. I wish you all the strenght you need and know I will be thinking of you, Tony and your family. Enjoy all the time you have left with Tony, make every memory count. Much love from me.
Hi Biz. I’m a long time reader and have made many of your recipes. Your blog has made me smile and laugh out loud and now it had made me cry. I’m so sorry for what you are going through, just know many people who are your cyber friends love you and are praying for you and Tony.
Blessings to you Biz…just know that God will give you a peace that transcends all understanding. Hospice is a great organization and the care Tony receives will be wonderful. They are God’s angels here on earth.
As I was sitting here reading your post, my grandmother’s favorite poem came to mind
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be ever at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
You and Tony have shared so many happy times and laughed, and laughed. What joy! What more can we all ask for. Prayers and love to you.