My brother and I talk about the “switch” all the time.  The switch is on when you are actively working towards your weight loss goals, or just think about what you should do, and well, do nothing with the switch firmly in the off position.

I’ve been listening to Rachel Hollis’ podcast – the whole last 90 days.  It started because she realized that instead of looking forward to particular holidays – Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc., October would hit and she’d dive head first into holiday season and wake up January 1 feeling gross, ten pound gain, which would somehow take six months to lose.

The last 90 days was her way of hitting the reset button before it got to that point, and I love that idea.  My old WW leader every holiday season would pick out 8 days not to track and just enjoy.  It might be an anniversary dinner, or a friends birthday, the obvious holidays.  It didn’t mean she couldn’t indulge, just not the last three months of the year.

I went to the gym Tuesday night.  I sheepishly asked “when was the last time I was here?”  SEPTEMBER 7.  Fuck.  So I decided to start another 500 flights in 7 days – I think this is my third one?  You just commit to 500 flights on a stair master within 7 days, no matter how you break it up.  After my cool down, I had 105 flights.  I won’t lie – I hate the first 10 minutes.  I feel winded, out of shape, but after that I get in the rhythm, watch my youtube videos and before I know it, mission accomplished.

What I forgot to mention was that Tuesday morning as I was headed to the train, I simply asked if you had time, send me a direct message telling me to get my ass to the gym.   Well, at last count 760 people took the time to cheer me on, and that is amazeballs.  Some people wrote: “I have a broken ankle, so wish I could work out!”  “I am going through chemo and don’t have the energy now, so work out for me!”  “I can’t afford a gym.”  Ouch.  So I stopped procrastinating and just did it.  And guess what?  It felt awesome!

My roommates are just about to celebrate their SECOND anniversary – how the hell did that happen so fast?  They are going away this weekend, so I took them out to dinner last night at the same restaurant that we had their wedding shower.  Knowing I was going to the gym later, I ordered . . .iced tea – what?!

And I got their chicken kabab dinner – so many steamed veggies, baked potato plain, and two skewers of grilled chicken – so good!  I brought nearly 2/3 of it home – I tell Vince the owner that his portions are too big.  Literally everyone takes home food and I tell him that’s his profits walking out the door.  

I did 50 flights on the stair master last night – I forgot to take my ibuprofen for my arthritic left knee and my knee brace.  After that I did the 30 minute circuit and then 15 minutes of stretching, which was amazing.  I have lost so much flexibility over the years and I know I can get some of that back if I make stretching a part of my regular routine.

I talked on Instagram who this time of year is a slippery slope for me.  My timehop a couple days ago showed me that my late husband made me breakfast in bed.  On October 2, 2014.  He died on December 2, 2014.  How could he go from making me breakfast to being gone??  I always overanalyze the decisions I made during that time, but I know I just have to let it go.  Rehashing it in my head isn’t going to bring him back.  Eating like an asshole and drinking a box of wine also isn’t going to bring him back.

So these last three months of this year – nearing the 5 year anniversary of his death, I am giving myself grace.  Not declaring “I am going to track everything, get 15,000 steps every day, do ALL THE THINGS!”

I am just going to do better.