Yesterday was a rough day for me, but if you looked at me you wouldn’t know it. Yesterday marked 8 weeks since Tony passed away. I had some down time at work so I was deleting old emails and then I got to an email that Tony sent me for a blog post he wanted to do for my birthday. The last lines of the document nearly made me cry right at my desk:
I love Biz more that my huge clumsy fingers could ever write. I am truly blessed to have her in my life. Today is her Birthday; please help me honor the best person I have ever known. I love you Lizabeth May Alcott Difasio Digorno Velatini, I will love you till the end of time.
I texted his son Joe and we both are still in a state of shock, like suddenly he will come up from behind us and give us a great big hug. Needless to say, I didn’t delete any of the emails. I am just not ready to do that yet. Another thing that I still have a hard time with is 11:30. He used to call me every day at 11:30 to say hello. I’ll find myself at the copier and I’ll look down at my phone and see that it’s nearly 11:30 and I start to head to my desk quickly, only to realize that phone call will never come. And texting – I used to text him a few times a day – usually an “I love you” or “running to the gym, have my phone with me if you need anything.” I know over time it will get easier, but yesterday? I was full of grief.
***
I ended up stopping by Hannah’s work to pick up another one of their delicious parfaits – this one had a berry preserve and it had the perfect balance of sweet and tart.
I am part of a fit bit walking challenge this week with Dave and Rachel among other people. I have to tell you, it’s motivating me to get more steps in! I ditched the strength for the day yesterday, and did the treadmill again – this time at an 8% incline.
My blood sugar was 238 before working out – perfect! After just over 40 minutes though, I could feel really BIG drops of sweat forming, and when I got off and checked my blood sugar in the locker room, it was down to 61 – quite a drop! I ended up eating my lunch without taking any insulin because I wanted to go back to the gym after work. My lunch was actually what I would have had for breakfast had I not stopped at Hannah’s work – leftover Jennie-O turkey sausage and egg white burrito with fruit on the side. And a touch of hot sauce.
I went back to the gym after work – I actually look forward to it. I always came straight home from work, so it’s weird for me, but a quick hour of walking goes by pretty fast while I am watching Food TV. This time my blood sugar was at 201, so I did my walk at a 5% incline and it dropped to 118 after an hour – nice.
One of the dishes Hannah wanted from her Pinterest page of things she wanted me to make, were these stuffed shells. When I started to make dinner I asked her if she wanted me to add the chicken in the recipe and she said “there’s chicken in there?” So I adapted the recipe to suit Hannah’s tastes. And while these were going to be her entrée, Jacob and I had steak. Beef, It’s What’s For Dinner! If you don’t follow me on Instagram (and why the fuck not – my bizzy kitchen – so easy to find!) you would have seen my tip about buying meat at the grocery store. My store has a discount bin for beef/meat that is expiring that day. You either need to cook it that day or the next, or freeze it. If you don’t see anything, just ask the butcher – I got two thin t-bone steaks for $5.37 – the $2 off manager special coupon had already been removed.
Alfredo Stuffed Shells
- 14 large pasta shells, cooked
- 1 cup jarred Alfredo sauce
- 2 cups cooked and chopped broccoli
- 1 ounce Cabot cheese White Oak Cheddar
- 1.5 ounces sharp cheddar cheese
- pinch of salt and pepper
- 1 teaspoon hot sauce
Mix the Alfredo sauce, broccoli, Cabot cheese, salt, pepper and hot sauce together. Stuff each shell with a couple tablespoons of the broccoli mixture and put in a 9×9 pan. Sprinkle with the remainder of the cheddar cheese and broil until the cheese is all melty.
The steaks were so thin that I literally cooked them 1 minute per side – perfect medium rare and Jacob loved the steak – he’s a big meat eater.
Um, I think I got my steps in for the day!
And it’s Wednesday WI day:
-3.8 in six days, and –3.8 since I reset my Zero scale 13 days ago. What am I doing differently? Well, I am working out more. I don’t snack at work, and since we are eating later at night, I don’t feel the need to raid the kitchen before bed, and getting in my water. I’ll take it!
Alright, off to put my shit together – I am having chicken tostadas for lunch today and just cooked up some chicken. Make it a great day!
So behind in blog reading, so sending a GIANT virtual hug your way!!!!!!!
Hugs to you, Biz! I can’t imagine the grief that you are going through right now. Thinking of you, often. I love reading your posts, you are one amazing gal! xo~
Thanks Amee! Maybe our paths will cross again this year?
Food looks really good today…..yummy 🙂 Sorry to hear you had a crumby day. Guess that is part of the territory. Take care of yourself and just take one day at a time. That’s all we really can do. Find things that bring joy, like cooking and giving to others….you will find peace in the midst of storms that come upon you. Keep looking up.
Thanks Louise – I’ll keep looking up 😀
Grief sucks. Period.
The bright side is that you are still blogging, still eating well, and still working out! Kudos! That is a feat. Thank you for still taking care of yourself, as hard as it can be. 🙂
Well the alternative would be to stick a straw in a box of wine and order pizza every night – and I know that’s not the right thing to do 😀
Sorry that yesterday was one of those rough days!
I hope that today has some really happy spots in it!!!
Great job on losing 3.8 – awesome!!!
Now, I wish I had one of your steaks and some of the pasta!!!
I still can’t believe you ran 45 miles without stopping – unreal! Are you sore today?
Hey. We have been following your page. Sorry you had a sad day, but what a great gift to remember how much you were loved. We are thinking about you. Give our sympathies to Hannah and her fiancé
Thanks Cindy – I appreciate it! I’ll let Hannah and Jacob know 😀
That email is precious. I hope you never delete the most important emails.
Those shells look super delicious – I could probably make a complete meal out of them if I added shredded rotisserie chicken? Hmm…
Yep, the original recipe had chicken in it to make it a meal – but Hannah is picky about her meat 😀
I konw those moments will never be easy…but it will fade in time. It’s so wonderful that you get to see, even now, how much Tony loved you.
Btw, I did get the fitbit flex. And I’m loving it. I’m only on week 2 of wearing it but it’s definitely keeping me more accoutable! Nice job on the steps.
Thanks Amanda – I’ll send you a friend request on fitbit! 😀
I am so very sorry you had a rough day! And I would be holding on to those emails too! It always brings tears to my eyes when I read you’ve had a bad day. I have a gym acquaintance/friend that suddenly lost her husband a few days before Christmas & he was buried on Christmas Eve. She’s a runner & she says running & working out is the only thing keeping her sane. And as I was leaving the gym last night I saw her flying around the track even though it was already dark & getting cooler. She was making it through another day. You’ve got to take care of yourself & if along the way you have a nice weight loss & get healthy, that’s just an extra bonus. Hugs!!
Thanks Sherry – yep, I know I’ll have those days every now and again – the walking is helping me not eat pizza every night! 😀