Fourteen years ago today, Tony and I got married on the beach in Naples, Florida. Long time readers will know that Hannah was my maid of honor and my step-son Joe was our best man. Tony’s parents and my Mom were the only other ones in attendance, and that’s exactly the way I wanted it. Small. Intimate. Although my twin sister will give a dig every once in a while and say “it was really nice being invited to your wedding!” But that would have opened up a whole other layer of people, and I didn’t want it to be a 100 person event.
Tony and his son spent the night before our wedding with his Dad, Hannah, my Mom, my MIL Bonnie and I spent the night at their other property. The day was busy – I had a manicure, pedicure, had my hair and makeup done. Pretty much the best way to tell me and my sister apart was that I normally don’t wear any makeup and she doesn’t leave the house without it. I remember looking at myself when it was all done, and I thought “I look like Jennifer!”
The wedding didn’t take place until 5:30 on the beach, and I just couldn’t wait until it was time to see him. I always told him that I didn’t care if we lived in a card board box, all I wanted was to be with him. Finally it’s time to head to the beach, and I wasn’t nervous or anything – I just couldn’t get to him fast enough. He hugged me, gave me a kiss and said “your face smells like pancakes.”
I would have thought we’d have 40+ years together. From Thanksgiving week until today, it’s just been so surreal. I’ve been looking back at pictures I’ve taken in the last couple months of Tony, and now that I know, it looks as if he had been slowly dying and I didn’t either want to see it, or just thought that this was another medical hurdle we’d jump over and move on. We’d look back and say “can you believe you were sick during another holiday?!” That always seems to be the case with him.
Since Tony’s sister and her family are coming over for Christmas, I finally decided to decorate a bit. I was alone on Saturday night. I love our pre-lit Christmas tree. It snaps together in three pieces, you put all the plugs together and bam! Of course you know I have a lot of snowmen ornaments. But once I put this ornament up on the tree, the tears started to flow and they just wouldn’t stop.
The tears suddenly turned into full blown sobbing as it does from time to time. I just wanted to go back. Go back to 2007 when the kids were littler and I’d have seven more years with Tony. All of a sudden I heard a noise in the bathroom. Huh. I was the only one home. I walked in, turned on the light, and . . .the toilet seat was up! Now I’d been the only one home for a couple days, Hannah’s boyfriend or any man for that matter hadn’t been here to leave it up. I suddenly thought “that’s Tony!” He always said he was going to haunt me and my tears and sobbing stopped and I smiled. It made me feel better. The tears have a long ways before they subside. I am still strong to people around me because if I wasn’t, I’d just be a basket case all day and not want to get out of bed.
This is the last picture we have together – the selfie I did at the hospital on November 12. I would have never guessed that three weeks later I’d be saying goodbye forever.
All I know is that I miss his hugs, kisses and . . . that smile. Happy 14th Anniversary babe! I miss you more than you’ll ever know. I just have to move on from WE to ME. And it breaks my heart.
What a beautiful collection of photos. Look at all the happiness!! Let those happy memories fill your heart…xoxo
(Heavy sigh) What a lovely set of photos. Happy anniversary. It makes me think I really should start taking more photos. I have so few of me in any of them. I hate having my photo taken but you never know what twist life will throw at you. The toilet seat story made me smile. I can only imagine what other surprises await.
Happy anniversary, love all the photos. A lifetime of memories packed into a too short timeframe.
Happy anniversary sweetheart, what a lovely tribute to a lovely man from a lovely woman. I’m sure he misses you too where ever he may be now.
Love you B. Maybe now I won’t give you a hard time not being invited to your wedding… LOL
Hugs to you!
Tony’s sense of humor was the bomb! So many fine, funny memories for you, it’s got to be so hard. Hugs and love to you honey.
Happy anniversary. You will always have the memories. Those are forever.
Thanks for sharing those pictures, Biz. Such wonderful memories – something to hold on to!
Wow. I stopped by to say ‘thanks for dropping in my blog’. But now all I really want to do is give you a hug. GREG
Hugs Hugs Hugs
OMG…crying at my desk! (don’t look anyone, don’t look. At my tears, or my screen because I’m reading my friend’s blog instead of populating a spreadsheet and approving a couple of expenses….) I 100% believe the toilet seat was Tony. This is a beautiful tribute to him, to you as a couple, and to your strength! Sending lots of love Vat!
Today is going to be a sad day Beth along with many days to come, but it will get easier each day, but never forgotten. You have many beautiful memories to hold on to. God is with you, along with all your family, friends, and Tony will show up when you lease expect it. You know that if you ever need a laugh, or pick me up, call your brother!!
We remembered your anniversary the first thing this morning and had another good cry. I love the toilet seat story – and Carl remembered the bird. Jeff is with you and that gives us some joy. Love you!
Those are winks from God. Letting you know Tony is ok. They come when you least expect them.
These are wonderful memories Biz. I know it’s hard now. It will never be “easy” but it will be a bit easier. And years from now you will look at those memories and just smile and laugh and remember all of the good things about him and you guys together. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a nice time celebrating Tony and Christmas with the ones that love you and him both!
And happy anniversary! Love you!
I have been following your blog lurker-style. I am sorry for your loss. Tony looks like a slightly larger version of Chris Noth to me so just turn on the Enetwork & take off glasses. He is right there on TV all the time. Happy holidays
Happy Anniversary. I too think about you almost every day. I hope all these memories you are sharing will bring you some comfort. Tony is watching you, I know it.
You guys are such a cute couple. May the coming year bring you some peace just knowing that Tony is in a place that is serene and he is no longer feeling lousy.
Hang in there Biz!!!!!!!!!!!! We are all going to rock 2015!
I think of you and what you are going through. Thank You for giving us just a little glimps with your memeories and funny storing. Some of them are very heartwarming, Like you smell like cake. We are all here for you Biz!!
HUGGSS from NY!!
Happy Anniversary – I know it’s bittersweet and I’m sure, surreal. Big hugs to you.