35 days ago yesterday, I was determined to be “back on!” and I zeroed out my Zero scale and decided it was a fresh start. Well that was when Tony went to the hospital and I never would have guessed 36 days later I would be a widow. My Aunt and I were talking and our cousin, when she became a widow, said that word didn’t fit her because she was young and not 85 years old all dressed in black. Some of those days were a blur to me – I know I’ll go back and read my blog when the time comes, but let’s just say eating and exercising were the furthest things from my mind. I ate hospital food. I ate pizza and pasta. I grabbed McDonald’s when I could. Not sure a vegetable passed my lips other than a French fry, so pretty sure that doesn’t count as a veggie serving.
But yesterday I stepped on the scale. Seriously you thought I would see +8 on the scale, but was shocked to see this:
But then I thought about it. I did a lot of grazing eating, and while it may have seemed to me that I was eating a lot, maybe I wasn’t? All I know is that it’s a Christmas Miracle that I maintained my weight through losing Tony.
I used some of my Starbuck’s gift card money and got a protein box, and somehow my mouth said “and I’ll have a baby vanilla scone!” I love this plate.
I went to the gym at lunch. My gym sent me a condolence card, which I thought was nice. I only told one of the gym members about Tony because he always asked how he was doing. At one time he was going to try to help Tony find a job, but I kept telling him that Tony wasn’t healthy enough yet, and he always said “when he’s healthy you let me know, okay?!” I saw him last week after not seeing him for a couple weeks and he stopped his run and asked about Tony. I simply said “he passed away” and before I could say anything else, I started to cry, then he started to cry and he jumped off the treadmill and gave me a big hug. He said “If you need anything, help around the house, something is broken, you let me know, okay?” So sweet.
I decided I still had plenty of food in the house to get me through the week. I ended up making what I am calling a tex-mex chicken and rice soup. After this picture was taken I added a bit more broth, the rice was stingy and soaked it all up! I love the edamame in this soup.
And so it begins with office treats – they are starting to come in on a daily basis now, but I am happy to say, I haven’t eaten a single office treat this year. And there is toffee in that basket!
After work I had to pick up a couple small gifts so I stopped by Tuesday Morning. I am kicking myself for not buying this yesterday because you know how that store goes – if you see it, and want it, buy it because it probably won’t be there the next time you go. I think this would be cute in a kitchen or dining room.
And I came home to more loot love! Blog reader and Instagram follower Bonnie sent me a Sur La Table gift card – you know I will put that to good use – thanks Bonnie!
Blog reader Michelle (MB) sent me a Starbucks gift card and some money for whatever I want to use it for – MB, if that fork piece above is still there today, I am going to use the money to buy it – then it will only cost me $20!
And blog reader Amie sent me a gorgeous charm bracelet! OMG, when I read the charm I cried you guys – it says “half my heart is in heaven.” She said that sapphire is Tony’s birthstone and she knows that blue is my favorite color. I love it!!
Heather, you’ll be happy to know that I used the spiralizer you gave me for the first time, and well, just like you, I don’t really get it. The picture on the box shows these gorgeous strands of zucchini, but all I got was small strands and then ended up with a pointy zucchini and I tried working it several ways, but never got the results I wanted. I’ll need to see if there is a youtube demonstration on this!
I bought a New York strip over the weekend with blog reader Liz’s Fresh Market gift card. I just let the steak come to room temperature and simply put cracked black pepper and salt flakes on the steak. Since this was a thicker steak, I did 3x3x2x2 – three minutes the first two sides, and then two minutes the second two sides. I sauteed the zucchini ribbons in a bit of butter, salt and pepper and made salt and pepper potato chips on the side. I think this is the first meal I’ve made at home for myself since Tony passed away.
Perfect medium rare! I only ate half the steak, and plan on making a steak and egg burrito with part of the leftover steak this morning for breakfast. So good.
Oh, and yesterday I talked about my friend Dana a.k.a The Kitchen Witch’s favorite post of mine, but had a senior moment and forgot to put in the link. She’s an amazing writer, but this piece always stuck with me. Go check it out for me, okay? Dana, I just realized I’ve “known” you since 2009 – so crazy!
Alright, I literally have about 8 minutes to get dressed and out the door. I am not sleeping well these last couple weeks and I may have slept in until 7:30 this morning, and I have to leave my house at 8:05!
Make it a great day!
Oh Biz, you are doing so well. I am still so sorry for your loss. I hope in January to get back to visiting every day. The holidays are kicking my butt (and before that, the out of state move). I miss reading your blog every day. Some of my favorite recipes are from here!
Glad you are back in the gym. I have been pretty consistent the past week or two. Lots has changed in my life; not ready to blog about it yet. I will probably just start a new blog because Lord knows I need a fresh start.
Glad you are going to the gym again. I think the activity will help. Distract, keep you healthy, hopefully stave off the natural depression from grief. Hang in there.
I had tears overflowing my eyes while reading this. Biz, I just adore you and have so much respect and admiration for your character, positivity & strength. I admire how you are going on, and while grieving, still taking care of yourself which is so important. And I”m just so happy that you have so many that love you and are helping you through and sending cards and gifts. <3 <3 <3 Love you girl.
Gosh, I wished I lived closer…and I’m just a few hours away! You sound so strong. I know anyone else reading these posts who is a widow is gathering strength from you! P.S. our Christmas card is on its way:)
I’d love to work in your office with all of those yummy treats! 🙂 I’m doing my best to avoid sugar altogether because once I start, I can’t stop. I’ve never seen a spiralizer like that. The one I have makes nice ‘noodles’ but they are very thin. I’d like to be able to make something more like fettuccini. Hope you have a good day! 🙂
You are just amazing and so deserving of every gift you get. Hugs and blessings!
Thanks for the heads-up on Louise’s amazing handmade cards. I placed an order last night. Biz, I was widowed at 35, with two very young children, and I know the sense of shock and unreality, not to mention the disconnect to the word “widow”. I used to wish that time would pass like in those old movies, where they’d show pages flying off the calendar, and the next thing you know a year was gone. I knew that I’d be better at some point, and I’d reach the point where it wasn’t the very first thing I thought of each morning, but of course it does take time. My heart goes out to you; you have an amazing real-life and online support system so be sure to take advantage of all those offers of help & support.
Funny, no one has been bringing goodies in to my office – either that or they are and they’ve been eaten before I’ve seen them, which is fine by me.
I love your gym guy and don’t even know him. That is the exact type of person you ask for help when you need it!
2009? WOW! Thanks for the link love–that was sweet! Congrats on keeping up the good work with your health during such a hard time. xoxo
Ah, the Christmas goodies at the office. We had one customer who always sent a box of huge cookies. On a postal scale, each weighed 8 oz.!
Glad you are back in the kitchen some!!!
That man at the gym was very sweet – and you should definitely take him (and anyone else who offers!) up when you need help with stuff. I know that you are very independent (one of the things we have in common!) so it is hard to ask and let others help but I hope when you need it you can do it!!!
That story that Dana wrote was sweet – what a great way to honor her sister’s birthday!!
So glad you like the bracelet! I got a spiral slicer like that last Christmas and had to return it, didn’t work for me either. I think I am going to try one of the ones that has a handle that you turn (like and apple peeler and corer). I’ve read some reviews on that type and they seem to work better.
Girl, you amaze me. I keep thinking about you and can’t imagine what the world is like right now. I try to put myself if your shoes, but it is entirely incomprehensible and just makes me so sad. I am so glad you have so many people there for you! Hugs from MN.
Bullets today!
~ I keep forgetting about Starbucks protein box. Might be a good choice on our drive back for the holidays. Bux is not in a convenient location to go there on a regular basis, but the ‘Bou (Caribou Coffee) is my stop if I’m going to treat myself to a cuppa joe.
~Fork Piece – If it wasn’t there when you went back – You or someone you know could probably make it! Granted, the fork wouldn’t be as big, but you could do some old forks from a thrift store! We have a new restaurant in the Twin Cities called Spoon & Stable. I haven’t been there yet because they are all booked up through March! But the name comes from the fact that the location was originally a horse stable and the fact that the chef has a serious spoon collection from his previous gigs. I think they may be incorporated in the decor: http://www.thrillist.com/eat/minneapolis/spoon-and-stable-minneapolis
~ Spiralizer – I’ve made zoodles without a spiralizer. Of course, they are not as noodle-like as a spiralizer is supposed to create, but I find it easy and just sauteeing any vegetable in a little garlic and olive oil that is created this way is tasty. http://seasonitalready.com/2014/10/20/san-marzano-meat-sauce-over-spaghetti-or-zoodles/
~ I love that bracelet so much, I had to check out Chubby Chico online. Sapphire is my birthstone, too. 😉
I hope you have a nice Tuesday, Biz!
Cheers~
Okay, the gym story made me cry. Again.
That Starbucks protein box looks great. What a good option.
Toffee is my weak spot. Especially homemade toffee bark type stuff. Yum. Last night, I had hot cocoa. Cold, rainy, sick toddler. It was a good day for it. And it was Starbucks double chocolate flavor.
The guy at the gym sounds like a real sweetheart. He also sounds like he really means it….that he’d come & help if needed.
The bracelet had me in tears. I love it. What a wonderful gift.
The steak – I need a Biz steak in my life. That right there is Grade A “food porn”!
Biz – it’s so wonderful to hear about all the love that’s surrounding you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You’ve shown us all how to be strong and vulnerable at the same time – the hallmark of a good woman! Oh, and I would have a tough time keeping my sticky fingers out of the toffee… Have a good day – Lynne.
Girl you are so strong. You are an amazing woman.
That bracelet is beautiful.
I saw a sign familiar to that on the fair last weekend but the words on that one were all about loving to be at home. It was too expensive and I didn’t buy it but I like signs like this.
You are amazing. *hugs*
Thinking and praying for you, Biz! Glad to hear you are back in your kitchen gettin’ your cook on! Take care, lady!