I Cried.

It’s been a long week.  But an awesome week just the same.  Both Tony and I feel that he’s been much sicker for much longer than either of us ever imagined.   It’s weird when you live with someone – you don’t really notice slow changes day to day – you just kind of get used to it. I know I noticed Tony’s feet getting all puffy at least a month ago, if not longer.  All of a sudden t-shirts he used to wear he tossed to the side because they were too tight.  Huh.  The man hardly eats anything.  During the day he eats yogurt, frozen or fresh fruit, my granola and then a few bites of whatever I make for dinner. 

I seriously think that if we hadn’t left for Mayo when we did that we may not have ever made it up there at all.  He was so sick.  But he has AWESOME care where is at, so I have no doubt that we will eventually get the answers we need, no matter how many days that takes.

All I know is that when I am there, Tony sleeps peacefully.  Just holding his hand is all it takes.

I knew I had to get out and about on Saturday too – I did two 40 minute walks, one in the late morning and one in the late afternoon.  On my second walk I had a squirrel following me – pretty sure it was Kyle or Lyle’s cousin!  I saw him under a tree, took this picture and he followed me for about 4 blocks.  I saw some interesting trees too!

Someone suggested (sorry, I am too lazy right now to look back and see) that the chapel was pretty amazing at St. Mary’s.  After my walk on Saturday evening I followed the signs to get there and as I opened the doors I heard the most amazing choir singing.  I thought maybe I had stumbled onto a choir rehearsal.  Um, no.  Duh.  I am not Catholic, but what I stumbled upon was a Saturday evening early mass.  I wish the pictures were better, but this church was beautiful!

And when I got back to Tony’s room, there is a “Chapel” station on the t.v. and I was able to show it to him.  I sent this pic to my MIL because I thought she would like it.

I checked out the cafeteria food before I came back up to the room.  It all looked like ass.  They had a “carving station” of roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy.  Except the roast beef looked like a shoe had been baked in the oven.  No thanks.  On my walks I would pick up take out menus from area restaurants.  I had every intention of going back to Tonic, but realized they had closed at 3:00 on Saturday.  So  I stopped by Saints on Second  – they had a chicken stir fry that sounded good so that’s what I got Saturday night.  Except I made a rookie mistake – I forgot to say no onions!  Luckily they were shallots so they were easy to pick out – this was very tasty!

While we were gone our friends Maripat and Tom said they could come and take down our tree.  What??!!  I offered that they could take the wood because I know they have a wood burning stove, but they left it for us – THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

We will have lots of brush for bonfires this fall!

The good and bad thing about having the Mayo app is that I basically have all the info at my fingertips.  Even before the cardiologist made rounds yesterday morning, I already knew his INR was only 3.1.  It has to be down to 1.5 before they can do the heart biopsy.  Tony made the call and told me to come home.  I am getting low on my days for the year, and there isn’t anything I can really do for him this week.  if they get the biopsy done Tuesday or Wednesday, it will take 3-4 days to get all the results back to figure out what the next step is.

So with a very heavy heart, I packed up my stuff and left my honey.

I cried when it was time to leave him.  I finally got it together but several times I’d hear a song on the radio and start to tear up.  Billy Joel’s “She’s Got  a Way.”   Then Sam Smith’s “Stay with Me.”

I kept having to remind myself that he was going to be taken very good care of, but that still has a hard pill for me to swallow.  I felt like I was abandoning him and told him that and he said “I was the one who told you to go home – don’t worry.”   But from here I can’t see his face.  I can’t tell if he’s cold and I can’t help him walk up and down the hall. 

I just pray this week goes by fast so I can get back there! 

And I completely spaced it this weekend, but here is your daily reminder to vote for my Away From Home recipe contest.  Thanks again for all your continued support and prayers – I appreciate it so much!  Make it a great day!