The first person . . .


My life changed my life forever on March 7, 1992.  My daughter Hannah was born.

I was 23, working two jobs.  By day I worked for a property developer who bought apartment buildings and converted them to condos.  By night, I worked in a local bar.

I “dated” the assistant manager there.  I use the term “dated” loosely, because while we didn’t exactly have a monogamous relationship (for me yes, for him, no) he would always come back to me if other relationships didn’t work out.  He wouldn’t keep coming back if he didn’t love me, right?

So I discover I am pregnant.  I am living with my twin sister at the time, and my parents live about six blocks away.  I tell my brother and my sister-in-law, and they plead for me to tell my parents.  Well, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I figured I’d just think about it for a while, discuss it with the father, etc.

So I invite the father over, tell him I am pregnant, to which he responds “are you sure its even mine?”  I tell him he doesn’t have to make a decision that second, to go home and think about it.

Well, he thought about it for 7 months!  Never returned phone calls, until one day in early January he calls and asks “What are you going to do?”  I tell him “I’m keeping it.”  To which he replies: “you will never have a boyfriend, you’ll never get married and your life will be miserable.”  (He couldn’t have been further from the truth – I have an AWESOME husband, a beautiful daughter, a handsome step-son and a wonderful life!)

So after saying I am keeping it, I start to panic.  Now I have to tell my parents!  And its not that they were not approachable or anything, it was just the disappointment they would have for me.  I am sure you are wondering how I kept this “secret” from them for so long, but it was winter, I wore big clothes, etc.  I had steadily gained weight ever since I stopped playing field hockey, so I think they just didn’t want to bring the subject up!

So my brother and sister-in-law come to town to celebrate their January birthdays, and my sister-in-law says she is not going home until I tell them!  So we invited my parents over for the taco fiesta birthday celebration.  I know tonight is the night I have to tell them.

I am in my kitchen, chopping up lettuce, when my mom comes in the back door, extra chair in hand.  She walks over, gives me a kiss, and looks down at my belly and says “if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were pregnant!”  At which point I say: “I am.”

Well the color went out of her face immediately.  Then in comes my Dad, all happy, another extra chair in hand and takes one look at my mom and says “What’s wrong?”  My mom said “tell your father what you just told me.”

Okay, in all the conversations I had in my head about how I was going to handle this, this was definitely not one of them!!

I start to cry, my sister-in-law starts to cry because she’s been holding onto this information for so long.  We ate tacos in tears.  My parents finished eating, they got up, and went home.

But the next day, I get a call to come over.  We sit around the table trying to figure out what to do.  We know the father isn’t in the picture.  It’s too late for an abortion.  What about adoption?

We didn’t know anyone personally who had done that before.  Did they regret it?  So we go to a support group for women who had given their children up.  My parents are the only ones in attendance and asked lots questions.  The girl sitting next to me was 25, but her son was 10 and she only got a short letter and picture every year on his birthday.

Well, listening to all these girls stories was heart wrenching.  Either they were going to get kicked out of their houses, or they had an interracial child.  Bottom line was, they didn’t think they had a choice to keep their baby!

But I did!  And after that meeting, one girl in particular came up to me and said “if I had even 10% of support from my parents, I’d have my baby.”

So its decided!  Since most of our family lives out of state, my mom had to write a letter to everyone.  Basically said “Biz is having a baby and not marrying the father.”

And six weeks after that meeting at the adoption center, my life changed forever.  In the most indescribable ways!  I can’t even imagine not having her in my life.

And now, she’s 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29!  I love the fact that I can make her laugh by just one crazy look, the way I can embarrass her (one time a couple years ago put her in the “kid cart” at the grocery store and started putting groceries all around her.  So we are standing by the deli, when she looks and sees one of her teachers.  I immediately start “petting” her head and loudly say “you’re mommas special girl!”  It cracks me up whenever I remember that one!)

So even though it was a difficult time in my life, it was just a moment.  But a moment that changed my life in the best way!

Things are always going to come your way to knock you down, you just have to learn how to keep getting up!

Thank you for being such a great daughter Hannah!  And if I don’t say it enough, I LOVE YOU!!!!!

UPDATED:  My favorite recent video of Hannah!  You deserve it baby!

  1. Carrie Carr
    March 7, 2023

    This sweet story will never get old for me. Love sure does conquer all, eh? And amazing that you birthed your very own BFF who sure seems to be everything a mother dreams of..and more. You win life, Biz and Hannah! Have the best year ever. The thirties are so amazing.

  2. Christina
    March 7, 2019

    I’m not crying, you’re crying! Happy Birthday Hannah! You and your mom are two beautiful people! I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you! So much love!

  3. Matthew
    February 11, 2019

    I read your story and was very touched. However, I was wondering what you meant when you said that most of the women you met at the support group were either being kicked out of their house or were having an interracial child. What’s wrong with having an interracial child? And why is that a reason to consider adoption?

    • Biz
      February 11, 2019

      There is nothing wrong with having an interracial child – these women’s parents didn’t approve of it, so that the only choice for these young girls was adoption – they didn’t have any support otherwise. The girl sitting next to me was 15 when she had her son, and her parents didn’t approve of her relationship with a black man, and she would be homeless if she kept her baby. The fact that these women came up to me and told me that if they had had 10% of the support my parents were giving me (my parents are awesome) that they would still have their baby.

  4. Ariana
    January 9, 2019

    Just came across your story, oh my goodness!!! Having a child is a wonderful feeling, I’m glad you got to experience it first hand. Btw, your daughter and I share a birthday!!

    • Biz
      January 10, 2019

      That’s awesome!! Yep, best thing that ever happened to me!

  5. jb
    October 11, 2018

    so sweet, i’m tearing up!

  6. Christina Berry
    September 13, 2014

    Wow, what a great story. I have a very similar one, only for me it was 1990 and I was a little bit older than you were. If it hadn’t been for my parents, I don’t know what I would have done.

  7. Sinks for Kitchen India
    October 11, 2013

    I use t-gel which helps control them and the conditioner smothers them where they are slower so easier to get them. Took weeks but best way I found for self checking and doing yourself.

  8. Lisa Eirene (@LisaEirene)
    August 11, 2013

    Wow wow wow. What an amazing, touching story!! I had no idea.

  9. Louise Gatti
    April 23, 2012

    Just read your story of Hannah and you…..I knew we had something in common. I too had a baby, but was told to put her up for adoption….I have many regrets for doing it “their way”. I found Tiffany again via the internet but the ‘mother/daughter’ relationship is not there. We are both on Facebook so I know what she’s up to and I guess she keeps tabs on me through Facebook and my blog. Not much of a relationship going between us. She has two sons, again I see them on Facebook but that is as far as it goes. No, sometimes I think adoption is not a great thing, abortion is worse yet. Better to keep your child and roll with the punches like you did. I applaud you!! It took guts to go through what you did, but you won!!!!

  10. amielieja
    August 23, 2011

    I have been following your blog for quite some time and I must say it is the first time I read this and I am in tears but joyful tears , I am glad you kept Hannah < such a lovely name . I love your cooking and the way you write , it is totally awesome just like you ! you are an inspiration for so many of us and thank you for sharing it with us .

    • Biz
      August 23, 2011

      Aw, thanks for your sweet comment!!

      • Kathleen
        March 5, 2024

        We had a granddaughter unexpectedly. My dad told us, It’s better to have a birth than a death. She has been a beautiful blessing and I’m so happy my son didn’t give her up. Unfortunately her mom left her at 4. Parental support is so important and I feel blessed that the three of us are gifted with her. Thank you for your story.

      • Biz
        March 5, 2024

        Thank you for sharing your story!! Hugs, Biz

  11. Christina
    May 19, 2011

    Okay, I’m totally crying right now. I had my son a month after I turned 21, and his dad hasn’t been in the picture since I found out I was pregnant. Thanks for sharing your story! Also, reading your daughter’s comment made me tear up again. 🙂

  12. Grace at Arms Wide Open
    December 3, 2010

    what an incredibly heart warming story with a VERY happy ending! my sister had a baby at 17 years old and i cannot imagine life without my niece, who is now 16.

  13. Cindy
    October 17, 2010

    wow…what an awesome story!!

  14. Heather R
    August 27, 2010

    Wow, what a great story!

  15. BB
    June 10, 2010

    Biz I told my mom I was pregnant over the phone. Quickly hung up as soon as the words came out of my mouth. You have a wonderful daughter and husband. Thank you for sharing.

  16. Lisa
    April 22, 2010

    That is such an amazing story. I had children….young… It was super hard to do it that way, but I’m so happy that I made the decisions that I did. My husband and I barely had 2 pennies to rub together, but we made it through and have a very blessed life.

    Congrats on being one amazing mom!!

  17. Lanette
    April 12, 2010

    We women are so strong. I loved your story. I’m looking forward to reading more.

  18. Christina@Health-Foodie
    March 11, 2010

    Wow, what a beautiful story! Thank you so much for sharing. I loved reading it…I am going to read it again now…haha Just like a good movie, you can read it over and over again.


  19. Jessie
    March 8, 2010

    Aww … now I’m all weepy … you two are wonderful … 🙂

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