Oh how I wish he was here. While he didn’t ever want to make a big deal out of his birthday, that just wasn’t an option when you are married to me. I’d think long and hard on the menu, the gifts, etc. When I think back to his last birthday, I obviously didn’t know at the time that it would be his last. I’ve just recently started to read my old blog posts from that summer of 2014 when we were back and forth to Mayo Clinic. What I can’t believe is that even though he hadn’t had an appetite for the longest time, and even the smell of cooked food sometimes turned him off, I somehow decided it would be a good idea to make him lamb chops because they were his favorite. I think he maybe ate two bites of one chop, and was apologetic about not eating more. And as I was clearing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, I remember hearing him snore because he fell asleep at 7:00 p.m. like his did.
Maybe next year will be easier to sit outside without the constant reminder that he isn’t sitting across from me with his cigar and Grey Goose on the rocks. Yesterday when I was trying to decide what to make for dinner that all three of us would eat, Jacob said that he loved a vodka tomato sauce. Suddenly the idea for pasta and meatballs was on the menu and as I was going to the grocery store to pick up a small bottle of vodka for the sauce, I realized I hadn’t bought vodka at all since the summer of 2014. I am not sure Tony would have approved of my $8.99 choice though!
This is my version of a vodka sauce with meatballs. I love buying what my store calls “chili meat” which is just a thick ground chuck of 85/15.
I ate 6 meatballs for 6 smart points, 1 point for the sauce and 5 points for the cooked pasta for a filling 12 point dinner. I may be having a mini meatball sandwich for lunch today.
My goal for the day is not to binge eat just because I am feeling sad that Tony isn’t here on his birthday. Luckily today is a workday – a private party for just 5 people which should be interesting because I haven’t worked a small party like that before. And I love the chef I am working with and know I can learn a lot from her. It’s a California Wine Country Menu today: artichoke focaccia; arugula, avocado and orange salad with a pistachio vinaigrette; roasted chicken with fig balsamic glaze; fennel and new potato salad with whole grain mustard and lemon cheesecake with whipped cream. Doesn’t that sound delicious?!
So my only request today is to give your spouse or significant other an extra hug and a kiss today. Hugs!
hugs and kisses from me! I’m SURE tony is proud of you.
Hope you survived the day yesterday. I read it on FB yesterday and you have been in my thoughts. Big hug for you.
That pasta dish looks delicious!
I have to say that when I use alcohol in a dish I never use very expensive stuff.
Thanks Fran, I got through it. I was happy it was a work day so I didn’t wallow in a bottle of wine!
And I think that is the rule of thumb with alcohol vs. wine – you can go with the cheap stuff to cook with, but never use a wine you wouldn’t drink in a dish.
Just about to get my walking shoes on!
Thoughts and big hugs to you today (and for your & Tony’s family), on this tough day. I know, it doesn’t seem to get easier, but I’m certain the memories grow fonder and eventually it overcomes the painful grief….never completely, but enough to feel peace….I hope you are on your way there. No rush, only happiness wished. Hugs!
Thanks Kelly! I hope I am on my way there and laughter will replace tears when I think of him.
Thinking of you today, Biz – hugs.
Thanks Shelley – I appreciate it. It was an emotional day, but I got through it. Not sure it will ever get easier?
Hugs to you, Biz.
Thanks Lori – I feel the virtual hugs 😀
((((hugs)))). I still can’t even imagine. Hindsight is always 20/20 isnt it?
Yep, wish I would have known that was his last birthday, but that’s how it goes. It just makes me appreciate my life all the better and finding this job is helping me with the next chapter of my life.
It is very hard, my darling girl. My husband’s birthday was the same day as mine. Kind
of puts a different spin on it. You are doing so well. But there will always be what
I call grief pockets.
That’s a good way to describe it Carol – “grief pockets.” It comes out of nowhere sometimes! Hugs to you too 😀
Big, big hugs to you, my friend. I know it will be a hard day, so be gentle with yourself. xo
Thanks Dana – I appreciate the virtual hugs! 😀