I have so many things going on in my head lately. First of all – I want to say that I have loved the 7-day carb cycle this week. Not only that, but I have not had a glass of wine since a week ago yesterday – I know! I love my wine, but with this whole carb cycle thing, well, I have to include the alcohol in the meals and pretty sure a mini meal doesn’t consist of three glasses of pinot grigio with a side of cheese and crackers! Not to say I won’t enjoy a glass now and again, it has to be a special treat and not an every day thing.
Maybe it’s the sober clarity that’s lifting the fog for me. I’ve been so reluctant to change anything in the house since Tony died, but now that we are coming up on nine months of his passing, I have to remind myself that life is for the living. As much as I still can’t imagine him not being here, that’s my life. I’ve had a bunch of new followers on Instagram who’ve scrolled back and are telling me how sorry they are that I lost my husband. When I read those comments it makes my heart stop a bit. Every day there is a reminder to me that he’s not here, and while it sucks, I can’t wallow in wine anymore.
My co-worker and I were googling names yesterday because it was slow and I told her if you googled my name about a thousand images pop up. We put her name in and only her Facebook cover picture showed up! I scrolled down, obviously 80% of the pics are food pics that I’ve had on the blog, but halfway down the page I came upon this picture.
It’s hard to believe this picture was 15 years ago. Harder still that this was taken a mere three weeks after we met online and a week before we moved in together. It just seemed so natural at the time that I really never gave it a second thought that it was unusual that things were moving that fast. Six months from the date of this picture we were married. As I start to see the back to school pictures people are posting on Facebook it does make me a bit teary – because I loved the kids that little. Hannah was 8, Joe was 10. He was super competitive at board games and I distinctly remember playing Monopoly and Joe telling Hannah that he’d trade her his Mediterranean property for Park Place because he had Boardwalk, and I would try to tell him that Hannah didn’t understand that wasn’t a fair trade and he would get so mad at me.
Same with Pictionary – OMG, Tony was the worst at guessing, but Joe would draw a line and joint point at the line as if to say “why can’t you guess that this is the Eiffel Tower?!”
Joe and his wife have been in Austin five years already and he’ll be 26 next month. It breaks my heart that his Dad won’t be here to wish him a happy birthday this year. It’s so true what they say – kids do grow up so fast!
My second flashback Friday is this:
2012 was my summer of Insanity, and by the end of August I was able (well, with the assistance of the wall a bit!) do a handstand because I saw my friend Heather had done one at her cross-fit gym. While she doesn’t blog anymore I follow her on Instagram and it still inspires me to be like her, even though she’s probably like 15 years younger than me! 
Way back when I first started to lose weight (mid-90s) I loved this Irish Cream for my coffee. Loved it – I probably had six cups of coffee a day with that stuff and probably added so much creamer that you really wouldn’t be able to distinguish there was any coffee in there at all. I remember thinking to myself, “if only they made this same thing in a fat free version, I’d totally lose the weight!” So dumb.
I was watching Chris Powell’s Extreme Weight loss the night before last (spoiler alert!) and he had one contestant that Chris determined didn’t have the motivation to lose weight so he dropped him. He kept waiting for this guy to reach for him as he left his house saying “I’ll do better!” but he just closed the door behind him. To Chris’s surprise this guy came back to the finale and actually ended up losing 215 pounds – 90 of which he lost all by himself. While he realized that he missed out on the opportunity to workout with Chris, it was just the thing that being dropped prompted him to do it all on his own.
I kind of feel the same way right now. I have no excuses. I don’t have a sick husband, I am not working two jobs. No small children. Chris says that you need three things to work together in order to lose the weight – motivation, food and exercise. Without one of those you’ll never succeed. I’ve realized that over the course of the last seven years of this blog I’ve had all of those things at various times, but not all together at once. Even back in 2012 I started what I called the “Inspirational Diet” and for several weeks I posted videos of people overcoming obstacles that would not only help motivate myself to make better choices, but to also bring inspiration to you. It’s all been smoke and mirrors – while I was writing that post I was probably sipping a glass of wine and eating pizza.
I know it’s only been less that a week on this lifestyle, but I actually can see myself not only continuing but succeeding. I am motivated, I am meal planning and I am exercising – all at the same time. I want this for myself. To get to a healthy weight, be a good role model for my daughter and see where this next chapter of my life takes me. It’s okay for me to be happy even if I have moments of sheer sadness. The sadness doesn’t last as long as it did before and I just have to be prepared for when it does happen and not keep on hanging on to what I had because, well that’s gone.
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So how did my day start yesterday? Working at the storage unit my office has with my co-worker. I ate later than I normally did earlier this week because I am eating every three hours, so I thought I planned it right, but we ended up spending more time than I originally realized. I made sure that I had sunscreen on, but the freckles still came out! My lips are almost back to normal after getting them burned in Virginia – it just feels like they are chapped all the time so I keep putting stuff on them all day long. Probably using too much product at this point!
By the time we got back to the office it was 11:30 and my last meal was at 7:45. I still ended up going to the gym to get my shredders in for the day – I thought I could do 100 flights of stairs in 30 minutes – I ended up doing 88 so I’ve got a goal to reach 100 now. Um, I forgot how fucking tiring it is to do the StairMaster for 30 minutes!
So because of this I ended up skipping one meal and keeping up with the three hour schedule for the rest of the day. It’s consistency, not perfection, so I did what I could. In the second picture you can see how my tater tot muffins stuck in the pan – when I reheat these in the office toaster oven, I cook them tot side up and they get super crispy – so good!
The Italian sausage sammie was delish – Aldi sells a chicken Italian sausage and I had it on a light hot dog bun, my homemade marinara and sautéed peppers. Even with the cucumbers and strawberries that whole plte was only 271 calories! And that last pic is a salad I got at a restaurant. The contractor wanted me to look at replacement windows so he could give me his final detailed proposal before he started the work, so I picked up Hannah and Jacob and we went to the Cary Ale House for dinner. They love that place and so do I. They started out with the fried cheese curds with a jalapeno jelly.
I had two small pieces. I could have eaten the whole plate! Also, this place has the best beers on tap. But it wasn’t my cheat day, so I had to order my food accordingly. I ended up getting the grilled chicken salad with bacon and half a deviled egg. They usually have fried chickpeas on this salad which are amazeballs, and I kept thinking I’d run into them on the bottom of the bowl, but they weren’t there and by the time I realized that I was 3/4 of the way done and full. I told the server and the owner came over and apologized profusely, but I told them no big deal – I’d still be back!
We then went on to look at windows – so many to choose from, some super expensive and would take weeks to order, so I am thinking I am going to go with a standard window that is double hung so I can easily clean the windows. They won’t be the exact size as my old ones but that doesn’t really matter since my whole front of the house is getting rebuilt. I emailed the pics to my contractor last night so we’ll see how it goes. If all goes well construction will start on Monday. Since all my living room furniture is in the dining room I’ve missed eating at the dining room table. Helen, you know what I am talking about!
So tomorrow is my first WI, and since I don’t blog on the weekends anymore, you’ll just have to follow me on Instagram (my bizzy kitchen) to see how I did. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on Monday!
I always enjoy your flash back photos. The sausage sammie is something I think I would really enjoy. I have tried to sub out beef products for chicken ones but my husband is a beef guy. It is difficult to cook two different versions of the same thing plus more expense.
Kym, it’s funny because Hannah doesn’t like beef either, I let her know what nights Jacob and I will be eating it, and she makes veggie sushi for herself and she’s a happy camper then! 😀
The fact that you can admit you were drinking wine and eating pizza while writing an “inspirational” post tells me that you are doing some very important soul searching. In my book you get credit for trying different things to find what will work for you. I do believe like Marcia up there ^^^ said, there is an ebb and flow to finding an eating style. What worked 10 years ago might not work now, but keep trying, you will find what works! Just based on how I’ve seen you eat over these past years, I think carb cycling could be just the balance you need to keep going. Good luck!
Ha, you should know Helen because you’ve seen it all over these past few years, but I can actually see myself sticking to this one. Real food. Never hungry. Never full and I get a cheat day!
So happy you guys loved the Outer Banks – I haven’t been in 15 years but I am sure I’ve told you that we spent many summers there growing up. Maybe next time you can fly?!
Big yay for the breakthrough, and LOVE the flashback photo. Have a good weekend. Vat. Big hug!
Thanks Roz – hope you had fun at your Momma’s over the weekend – love that you guys always get Chinese food 😀
I loved reading your flashback and what you’ve learned from it. It is really good to look back sometimes. 🙂
Also, those tater tot muffins look delicious! I need to get them into my life soon! Have a great weekend!
Thanks Brooke – and the tot muffins were so good – just next time I need to use Pam so they don’t stick!
I think you’re doing great Biz – in all areas! I constantly struggle with trying to keep that balance of motivation, exercise & food. Right now the exercise is not a problem but the motivation to eat healthy is suffering severely. I’m not a wine drinker but goodness do I love my beer every night! Can’t wait to see how how you did this week!! Good luck!! 😀
Thanks Sherry – I have to say that I never felt deprived last week – like at all. I went to a friends house on Saturday night and had two glasses of wine – first sip of alcohol in a week and a half and I woke up Sunday with such a headache, so it’s kicked to the curb again. 😀
I appreciate your honesty – admitting that talking about dieting while not exactly doing what you are recommending is hard. I’m excited for you with this breakthrough and I hope that you’ll find the success, and peace, you’re looking for, while continuing to flourish in the this new phase of your life.
Thanks Shelley – who knows where this next chapter in my life will take me?!
It’s such a delicate balance isn’t it? To get the food, exercise, and motivation all at the same time.
The funny thing is – not everyone requires all 3. Some people stay naturally slender with only one or two. Though they may not be healthy. It’s sad, really – we place so much emphasis on the physical – not really taking into account that people have various challenges.
If you’ve been obese or overweight, are a woman, have given birth, have certain genetics, have certain diseases, are under stress, etc. etc. – it is just HARDER. So from the outside looking in, you can’t tell. You can’t tell that I exercise regularly, attempt to sleep enough, eat a very good diet and limit (seriously) wine and other treats. Because if you were to see me with my friends from around town and at school, I’m the fat one (even if I’m only 5-10 lbs overweight).
It’s maddening, and one reason why I like to “be kind, always” because you don’t know whether someone is a before, a during, or an after.
I struggle with this now, as I realize that those last 5-10 pounds might require giving up wine, bread, and sugar completely. Right now, they are a very small part of my diet. Is it worth giving them up totally? I’m not sure.
So remember that too – you don’t know where your “after” is, until you get there.
I have a tendency to jump around various programs, and I think that’s normal, because my needs change.
– WW used to work, then it stopped working for me at around 40
– Counting calories works, but then it’s incredibly time consuming, and that’s difficult with two small children
– 21-day fix is an amazing, simple program that’s like counting calories but without all that work, and I love it. But there are limited “cheats”, and sometimes, I need cheats
– Carb cycling is great because you are ALLOWED carbs 3x a week, and you are ALLOWED fat on 3 days a week. And you get a cheat day! So it’s easier to stick to on the other days. But … except for the cheat day, you can’t have carbs + fat. So no apple with peanut butter, or bread and cheese. That’s a challenge for me sometimes.
– Stonesoup’s “Primal/paleo with beans” program is great, because it’s very much 21-day fix-like, and also has a cheat day.
Your worth is more than your weight. Being healthy is important in its own right, and I struggle with the weight portion of it. Because the amount of work required is quite a lot, especially on those last pounds.
Sorry, that was a long rambling book!
Love, love, love this comment Marcia and it is so true – best part I took from this?
and one reason why I like to “be kind, always” – so true! Hugs – and hope you are feeling better!
Way to go Biz! You are doing awesome on this carb cycling and you’re going to see great results on the scale. Aside from the number though there are so many other positive things going on in your life. Have a great weekend!
Yep, I have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay to be happy. 😀
#wycwyc
🙂
Yep, I love #wycwyc – it takes away from all the guilt, instead of focusing on what you didn’t do – it celebrates what you did do! 😀
Love the pic of you and tony! Sounds like you’re doing great on this carb cycle thing–congrats on keeping your motivation!
Thanks Dana – I love that picture too – just so weird it was taken 21 days after we met!
Sounds like you’ve had a mental breakthrough! I’m weighing in tomorrow, too, but I admittedly crashed and burned earlier this week on carb cycling (Wednesday was a BAD DAY). I watched the EWL episode on Hulu, though, and it snapped me back to finish the week strong. I have some soul searching to do, but I’m in the game.
Happy Friday!
OOOH CLICKS CLICKS TO INSTAGRAM~~
Yep, I think it is a mental breakthrough Erin – last week I didn’t feel deprived and I could actually see myself eating and living this way for quite a while!