I know I am only on Day 3 of this intuitive eating thing, but I can’t tell you how free I feel not having to type everything I put in my mouth into a program to see how many calories, how many carbs, how much protein.  I’ve been doing this a long time (shit, since I started this blog in 2008!) and I don’t know if it’s because I have more time now to just concentrate on me now that Tony isn’t with me anymore, or what, but I no longer have a “magic” number that I want to scale to be.  I want to be strong, not skinny, and I think that’s helping me make better choices because I have to simply have to ask myself if that action will get me stronger – like not waking up in the morning to go walking, or eating the cookies by the coffee machine – and the answer is usually no and I can just continue on this path I am on. 

PicMonkey Collage - river

And there in lies the question.  What path am I on?  I’ve felt kind of lost these last several months (can you believe in a few days Tony will be gone six months already?!) and I was a caretaker for so long and I happily took on that role, but now that I don’t have that anymore, I feel a bit. . .  lost.  I am still taking my life a day at a time, and I know at some point the answer will hit me on what to do with my life.  Until I figure it out, I’ll just continue to ramble – ha!

Breakfast was delicious – scrambled ham, egg whites and spinach on high fiber English muffins with Cabot cheese and fruit on the side. 

4.28 006

While it was only 36 degrees when I took my morning walk, but was 55 degrees by lunch time.  I just grabbed my phone and left the building and did a quick 45 minute walk.  The sun felt glorious on my face!  Momma, I did trim my bangs a bit!

PicMonkey Collage - lunch

I had leftover copycat Portillo salad for lunch, except without the steak, and I have to tell you, it was a lot better with the steak!   Still good though – but you know how I feel about my beef!

4.28 032

There were tons of teenage boys at the gym last night – so I had to kind of make up my own strength program based on what was available.  One thing I did that was hard as shit were squats against the wall with a balance ball – holy balls my legs were shaking!  I did five sets of one minute, and I literally thought my legs were going to fall off after that last minute.  Then finished up with 2.5 miles on the treadmill before I could feel my blood sugar starting to drop – it was 79 when I left the gym.

PicMonkey Collage - gym

My step-son Joe and I have been talking because he’s doing a Spartan race in a week and a half, although his is EIGHT MILES LONG!  Mine is only 3 miles but we were talking that there are a couple things that no amount of training can prepare us for – such as the rope climb and the spear throw.

spear throw

I am up to 50 pounds on my bench presses, so I think I will be able to do it, but I texted him the other day and said “do you think there will be knots on the rope?”  He replied “no, I don’t think so.”  Damn.  But guess what?  I saw this picture on Instagram and I think maybe the women’s races have knots on the rope – I can totally do that!!  That’s pretty much what I will look like on my race day – ha!  I have no goal but to finish.

4.28 039

I ended up making burgers for dinner with sweet potato and Idaho potatoes on the side.  I ditched my bun and put my burger on a bed of baby spinach, and topped it with American cheese, hot giardiniera, dill pickles and a tiny bit of mustard!

4.28 047

So I basically kicked ass on my steps!  A part of me was going to walk around my yard to get to 20k, but I said fuck it – close enough!

4.28 048

I am opting to do Classical Stretch today instead of walking outside – the PT said that my hamstring, calf and thigh muscles are still really tight, and need to stretch out more during the week.  Make it a great day!