A little over month ago, after Tony was approved for disability and we got a sizeable check for back pay for disability, Tony was the first one to declare that we needed a new roof. Which is nothing new to us, we’ve known for the last few years that it needed to be completely replaced. But as long time readers know, money was tight, I was working two jobs to make ends meet. We both secretly wished that we would have a storm just bad enough for one of our surrounding trees to “land” just gently enough on our roof that insurance would pay for the whole replacement. Um, that never happened.
Tony checked around, found a company that has been in business in our area since the 60’s, got great yelp reviews and signed the contract. This was literally the week before he went to the hospital. Based on the jobs ahead of us, we’d be in line for a new roof in about three weeks. Sweet!
But Tony came home from hospice on Week 3. We had some sub-zero temps so other jobs got bumped. On Saturday, November 29, I got a call from the roofers that our job would be in line for replacement the week of December 8. I told the woman on the phone “I don’t know how to tell you this, but my husband is home for hospice.” Tony was the one that had been conversing with this woman over the details of the roof replacement. She said “oh my, I am so sorry, we can send people out to do a patch for the winter, and we’ll replace it in the spring.” I said to go ahead and hold the week of December 8 and I would let her know if I wanted to postpone it.
Tony’s nephew and his wife and new son came up from Tennessee to visit Tony. I went into Tony’s room and said “Bob, Izzy and Maddux are coming.” Then I said “the roofers called and said they could patch the roof until the spring if we wanted.” He opened his eyes and said “promise.” I repeated “did you say promise?” and he said after he cleared his throat “promise me you’ll replace the roof this year.” I told him “I promise!”
Not too long after Tony’s nephew, wife and their 9 month old son Maddux came to visit. It’s been so long since I held a baby, but he was so easy going. They walked into the room, and I told Tony who was here, and he opened his eyes, looked at them, held out his hand for Maddux to hold onto and mouthed “he’s so cute.” Not gonna lie, that brought tears to my eyes. I suddenly realized in that instant that Tony would never know his future grandchildren. This is Izzy and Maddux – I love this picture.
After that Tony was really tired. He wanted three things within reach:
- Backscratcher – which he used to itch his balls
- Glass of water
- The remote. Of course the remote had to be in reach!
I hadn’t had Hannah’s t.v. hooked up since she moved out, so luckily Tony’s nephew Bob was able to hook it up. I believe we had college football in the background most of the day. Shhhh… I didn’t tell Tony that he was laying on snowmen sheets! They are flannel and so comfy and warm.
As Tony slept most of Saturday, I of course had to get my kitchen therapy going. I just need to feed people and wanted to make sure I had ample food for everyone. I had some apples that were on the brink of just getting soft spots, so I made an apple almond bread. I bought a loaf pan from Goodwill, which I think is supposed to be a sandwich bread loaf pan? Anyway, it turned out amazing – I had slivered almonds on top. I wrote the recipe down as I was writing it and will post it some time soon.
I had two chicken carcasses that I made into chicken noodle soup. That was a big hit – nothing like having the chicken fat of the skin to flavor the stock. It was definitely Chicken Soup for the Soul.
And of course, what’s soup without bread? I made two loaves of 5 minute artisan bread – with toasted sesame seeds on top this time.
My brother makes fun of me that in the midst of pouring my heart out to you guys about the emotional roller coaster I’ve been on these last few weeks (months even!) I am still the consummate food blogger.
By now my parents in law were making the trek up from Naples, Florida. My MIL has been ill lately, and didn’t get approval to fly. Sadly, of course being Thanksgiving weekend, the traffic was horrible. I kept telling Tony to hang on, his parents were on their way. He was sleeping, but I figured it didn’t hurt to tell him that. And that I loved him. And that I was glad that he found me. And that he was my best friend. And that I wouldn’t change anything in the last 14 years we’d been together. I told him those things over and over that last weekend every time I was in the room with him alone.
And then I took a picture of the sunset. It calmed me. But in the back of my head, I wondered how many sunsets I’d see before Tony wouldn’t be there to see them with me.
And the sunset, wow!
The baby is adorable.
I’m glad you are getting the roof replaced.
I’m glad you are still using your kitchen therapy, and blogging about it. It’s good to work it through and write it all down. And I want to know how you are doing.
I had a very rough time when my mother died 3 years ago. We went home to visit, and she’d happened to go into the hospital 2 days before. We figured she’d be out in a few days, and she died the day after I got there. (Organ failure, basically all of them.) She never knew that I was pregnant. I don’t think I really dealt with her death much until I was probably 8 or 9 months pregnant.
That artisan bread. I am so sad that I gave up bread. You know, I do plan on baking again, once I get closer to my goal weight. I am thinking if I do the artisan thing, I can bake really small loaves, eat a small piece, and let the boys eat the rest.
I’m so glad you are writing it all down…
Big, big, hug!
I’m adding another virtual hug to this party! Beautiful words and pictures that have me welling up in tears again this morning. Lots of love your way my friend!!!!! (PS: LOL at the other use for a backscratcher!)
Sending love your way!
Ditto— what everybody said. “Hugs.” Its like we are right there with you. 🙂
My sincere condolences on your enormous loss. Your strength amazes me. I don’t know how I would handle something similar, I would only hope it’s even half as well as you’re handling it.
Your’s is the first blog I read daily and have been doing so for the past year or more. I just wanted to thank you for continuing to blog in the midst of this. It just proves further that you are so generous, open, and honest, and that you “get” that we genuinely care about you guys.
I’ve witnessed many bloggers who love their readers when their lives are rosy, but start to resent them and become secretive or cryptic when something difficult arises. Or they just disappear altogether.
I hope that you are finding all the love and support you need during this time. I really appreciate your posts, and love reading about you and Tony. It’s a beautiful tribute to him.
Biz, you amaze me. This is the time when people are supposed to be bringing you food, but here you are feeding everyone else! I know cooking is your therapy, so I’m glad that is helping.
Thinking of you lots. Hugs,
C
Gorgeous photo! Another multi-tissue post. I love that he was thinking about the roof. On a completely different note, did you know that it “snows” on this page? If I look at the screen, little white dots float down and it looks like it is snowing. 🙂 Hugs!
If I could copy everything Debbie Does Dinner Healthy said…I would. “What she said!”
Beautiful picture! Perhaps you could cook something in 6.5 qt French oven? ; )
The sunset is beautiful!
You’re going to be so glad that you got this all down right away, you’ll love to come back to read it again.
I am totally not surprised that you are still photographing food, creating recipes and talking about food on your blog. It’s who you are and what you completely enjoy. I love how you are making me completely cry on the blog and still have me drooling over your bread! 🙂
I’m glad you had people who love you so much around. And I am sure, even in the midst of the chaos of those last days, it felt cathartic to you to be able to be in your kitchen cooking.
Keep your promise and get that roof redone!
Glad you’re planning on getting the new roof! And you are an amazing hostess even during a very tough time. Both breads look delicious! #allthecarbs !!
Thanks for sharing this with us. It breaks my heart reading it though. I love the picture of the sunset. I hope you are taking care of yourself.
Oh Biz there you go again, making me cry!
The part about scratching his balls cracked me up 🙂 xoxo
Still no words maybe because there is nothing to say. But I’m grateful that you share this all with us and it makes me want to jump on a plane (and take R. who will fix your roof for free) come over and hug you. But since that’s not possible you will have to accept a big big virtual hug and I hope you are okay and hopefully not alone too much.
Hugs.