My New Normal

Wow, thank you so much for all your comments yesterday about Tony!  I love that long time readers who have never commented before left a comment, and believe me, as my phone vibrated throughout the day that I had another comment, I felt a virtual hug.

It’s kind of funny how you think your life doesn’t change much day to day.  Or at least that’s what I used to think.  Yes, you can look back over the course of a couple years and see how maybe your life changed, but I am still at the same job, live in the same house, go to the same grocery store, etc.  I actually rely on this blog a lot to go back to my life and remember what has actually happened.  I was trying to remember the last time Tony was “normal” in a sense that he was able to get out and do things without much trouble. 

I just instinctively jumped to April of 2014.  April 30, 2014?  Tony was in the hospital.  I wrote:

“That will pinpoint some autoimmune deficiencies he’s been having and tell his why his liver numbers are off.  While a part of me wants to google the shit out of what that could mean, I am not jumping to any conclusions at this point.  Just taking it a day at a time.”

Then I jump to my July 2014 archives.  July 31, 2014.  Tony was at Mayo.  I wrote:

“So yesterday morning this doctor came in and took one look at Tony and said “why didn’t you tell me you were a mess?”  Somehow overnight Tony’s blood count dropped substantially – they had to give him an emergency blood transfusion and as of last night, he’s gotten 4 units.  His kidneys also weren’t functioning, so they have to figure out why he’s losing blood and that’s there focus now.  He’s nowhere near getting his heart biopsy done, and my guess is that it won’t be until sometime next week.”

So it got me to think that Tony may have had chronic kidney problems since July, but since the main focus when we were at Mayo was his heart, I wonder if they kind of missed the boat on the kidney problems back then.  Or maybe when he got home we should have been monitoring his kidneys since there was definitely a problem at Mayo?

I can’t second guess myself much at this point.   When one of the liver doctors stopped by last night during rounds he mentioned that our GP wanted to get together with him, the kidney doctor, the heart doctor and the blood doctor, and he asked “do you know why he wants to meet with us?”  One of our GP’s main gripe is that doctors no longer talk face to face anymore.  It’s all digital.  Digital notes, digital hospital records, texting, email.  I said “he wants to meet with all of Tony’s doctors to ensure you are all on the same page today and moving forward.”  He seemed a bit perplexed by that, but agreed that even if there were differences of opinions long term, they all agreed that dialysis was necessary to address his acute renal failure.

It’s been an interesting week food wise for me too, since I cook a lot of my foods for the week on Sunday.  Sometimes if I meet up with my Mom and Hannah on a Sunday, I can use Monday night (while Tony watches Monday night football) to catch up on cooking.  Well, getting up and getting to the hospital by 6:30 a.m. and staying there until 8:15 before work, and coming home around 9 and really just tired and I don’t really feel like cooking, as odd as that sounds.   When I picked up Jimmy John’s the night before last I saw on the counter that they had day old bread, and bought a couple loaves.  I used to think that the bread on top of the counter was for “show” but it’s actually the day old bread – look for it the next time you go.  I’ve paid .49 a loaf and recently paid .99 cents a loaf, but I think it depends on where you go.  After I paid .99 at one store a couple weeks ago, the store near my office still sold it for .49.

I ended up making a Jimmy John’s breakfast panini.  Cooked egg whites, rosemary ham, baby spinach and Swiss Lorraine cheese.  The day old bread is perfect for panini’s – the outside is nice and crunchy and the inside ingredients are nice and tender – and don’t forget the melty cheese!

I put that picture on Instagram, like the Instagram whore that I am, and not too long afterwards, not only did Jimmy John’s like my picture, they are now following me.  Pretty sure I’ll be getting the call any day to recipe develop for their day old bread.

Not long after that, Sur la Table liked the same picture.  I am hoping they will start sending me some high end pots and sauté pans to recipe develop for them.  A girl can dream, right?

Work was busy, which I appreciate, but we were having copier problems and somehow I have become the trouble shooter in the office for that shit.  I am the least technical person in that office and working with three different outside sources, my window of working out kept getting smaller and smaller, until it just never happened.  Around 2 I ended up eat my leftover spicy chicken thai peanut noodles.  I added some chopped fresh baby spinach and fresh cilantro on top.  I like to keep it klassy with the plastic fork.

I went straight to the hospital after work, convinced that he would still be in the midst of his second dialysis treatment, but he was already done!  Tony’s nephew made a surprise visit, which was nice.  Although Tony isn’t really up for visitors or talking on the phone yet.  He hasn’t talked to his parents or son directly as of yet, and a few of Tony’s friends and his sister have asked to stop by, but he’s just not up to it yet. 

Dinner?  Was more leftover Thai noodles that I brought from work and stirred up in the hospital bathroom so it didn’t stink too much of sriracha for Tony. 

I should really teach a food photography class.  “Our first lesson tonight is all about food styling.  Let’s balance a bowl of Thai noodles on the edge of the sink, making sure to capture the tiles below and remember this – make sure the lighting is fluorescent.  Always use fluorescent lighting!”

Ha.  Such is life.  This is my new normal and I just have to ride the roller coaster.  Thank you for your continued support/hugs/emails, etc.  It’s doing wonders for my soul!